Speeding Cars
by WriterInTheMaking101
Summary: Set eight years after third season finale. Marissa did not die. The core four are married, with children. What happens when one of their own becomes extremely sick? How will their families, and everyone around them cope. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So I recently had the experience of writing my first OC fanfic and I really enjoyed it. At first I was going to add to said first story, Only The Good Die Young. But I decided it was best left the way it was and instead decided to begin a new OC story. Who knows how it'll go because normally before I write a whole fan fiction story for a show, I know the characters really well. I can almost predict what they're going to say, so they're easy to write. With The OC, however, I don't know the characters that well. I haven't even seen all the episodes so please forgive me if the character's are out of well.. character.**

**Timeline: Set eight years after the third season finale. Marissa does not die because on Much Music, where I watch The OC, she hasn't died yet and I haven't given up my throne for queen of denial yet. **

**Plot line: Marissa and Ryan are married, as are Summer and Seth. They both have children. Marissa and Ryan have one girl, Blythe Atwood. Summer and Seth have three children, twin girls named Tiffany and Tory and a son, Jackson. They're all living the perfect family life until one day one of the children become very sick. How will their families, and everyone around them cope? **

**Rated T because of some upsetting themes and language I guess, but mostly just to be safe. I'm getting all my medical information from Grey's Anatomy so if it's not right, let me know and I'll fix it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I seriously don't. It's fairly sad actually. I don't even own the seasons from the OC that I'm going to watch.. I rented them from the video store and they're due back tomorrow. **

"Mommy. Muh-ommy." Blythe's small voice floats over to Marissa. "Mommy." She calls again.

"Blythe?" Marissa calls out hoarsly. "Blythe sweetie what are you doing? It's nearly two in the morning."

"I heard a thump. It was a monster, probably."

"Honey it couldn't have been a monster. There are no such things as monster." Marissa explains patiently as Ryan stirs on the other side of her.

"Uh-huh. There are too. 'Cause Mikey told me. And Mikey knows EVERYTHIN'!" Blythe exclaims excitedly. "Me and him are gettin' married. Did ya know that." Blythe makes her way into the bedroom and throws her small body onto the bed. Ryan's eyes crack open. "Hello Daddy." Blythe says casually.

"Hey princess. What're you doin' up."

"I heard a monster in my room. Mommy doesn't believe me."

"Hm."

"Yeah. So I'm not talkin' to her." Blythe nods to clarify this and throws back the covers on the bed.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Marissa asks.

"Daddy." Blythe begins. "Please tell Mommy I am sleeping in here because I don't want the monsters to gobble me up. Tell her if she doesn't believe me she can go sleep in my room. The monsters will gobble her up. Don't say I didn't tell ya so."

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"Look Daddy!" Tory exclaims. She throws herself at her father and points with an excited finger at the stack of cookies, lying on a Christmas plate. The cookies themselves look lumpy. Odd green and red patches cover them. "Look!" She says again. "Me and Tiffany wanted to make them for you as a surprise. Mommy was going to do it for us but we said NO WAY. So we did it all by OURSELVES!" She claps excitedly and looks around. "I dunno where Mommy and Tiffany went. But you gotta try a cookie!"

Summer appears in the kitchen, bouncing a small boy on her hip. "Jackson's awake." Summer says, smiling at the little boy. "You saw the cookies." She puts on a large, fake smile. "Don't they look GREAT!"

"Yeah!" Seth says uncertainly. "Tiff, why don't you try one first."

"No Daddy they're for you! Well these ones are anyway. We made TONS MORE but those are for Christmakuh, when Grandma and Grandpa come over."

"Alright." Seth smiles over happily and picks up a cookie. Observing it for a few minutes, he takes a bite out of one and the look of utter revulsion on his face is quickly over come by mock amazement. "These are awesome!" He says, swallowing hard. "Summer! You have to try a cookie. Please."

"You know what girls, I think we have to tell Daddy our good news? Don't you girls think so?" Summer asks, smiling smugly at Seth.

"Yeah!" They chorus. "Well," Tiffany begins, "today Auntie Marissa called."

"She said," Tory takes over, "that they want us to come to California for Christmakuh!"

"Only, she said CHRISTMAS not Christmakuh. So we corrected her!"

"Then we said we really wanna come to California because we want to be able to swim on Christmas day."

"Then," Summer says, smiling as she takes over, "I said that we'd have to ask you, but hopefully we could come?"

"After that," Tory says thoughtfully, "me and Tiffany made the cookies because we decided you wouldn't wanna go to California 'cause then we wouldn't be able to go out at midnight on Christmakuh eve and leave Santa his cookies and get up after Santa came and go tob'gning at the big hill! So we decided the cookies would make you want ta come to California?" Tory asks hopefully.

"Well." Seth begins. "You say you made these cookies all for me?"

Tiffany nods slowly. "All for you."

"Well normally I would say no way. We're not leaving New York to go to California. But the level of amazement of those cookies is so high that I think I'm going to have to say yes." The twins squing their eyes, staring at Seth as though he has three heads.

"Daddy? Maybe you should lie down." They announce.

"Girls?" Summer says, a smile taking over her face. "We're going to California."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews. I wasn't expecting a whole lot so I was pleasantly surprised to get quite a few! I'm glad you found them to be fairly in character. Anyway, the public is forcing me to resign as queen of denial, because today on Much Music, they aired the episode with Marissa dying. It was new for me and I bawled my eyes out for about a million hours before I decided to come write another chapter because, here, Marissa and Ryan are married, all nice, with a daughter.**

**Sketchycord: Tee hee. You're smart. I didn't even realize about the graduation reference because I just saw the episode right now.. but I like how I've done that, because Speeding Cars is one of my favorite songs.**

**charmed4eva: Yay! I'm glad you think they're in character. I was kinda worried there someone was going to send me a nasty review about how un in character they were **

**Yarrie and Kursk: Thanks so much guys, your wish is my command.. a.k.a. another chapter lol.**

**k: Oo you're good. This is kind of my thing, the first two or three chapters are fairly fluffy and fun but then it gets to be fairly depressing. :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

An ear piercing scream comes from upstairs. Summer puts down the phone immediantly and runs upstairs, taking the stairs two at a time. "Tiffany?" Summer asks frantically. "Tiff sweetie are you okay?"

"No! Mommy I'm not okay!" Summer's heart rate is slowly returning to normal by the fact that Tiffany's voice sounds normal, just very angry. "My Barbies won't FIT in my STUPID SUITCASE!" She yells. Tiffany appears. Her black hair is in pigtails. She's holding three Barbies, wearing pink dresses, their blond hair looking matted and tuggy.

"Sweetie you haven't played with those Barbies for months. Remeber you and Tory threw them in the pool and they sunk? And then Daddy got them out and they were all yucky."

"Yeah but I love 'em!" Summer has a faint memory of Tiffany throwing them on the ground and declaring she never 'wants to see those digusting things again!'

"Well honey you can't fit everything in the suitcase. We're only going to California for two weeks. Now I have to go, I left Auntie Marissa waiting on the phone. Why don't you and Tory put on a movie and when I'm done, I'll help you pack."

As Summer heads downstairs, choruses of 'but Mommy I LOVE them' follow her.

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"Mommy. Guess what." Blythe says conversationally, as Marissa flips through a copy of US weekly. "Mommy." Blythe says again, when Marissa doesn't respond.

"Yeah sweetie?" Marissa puts down the magazine and stares at Blythe.

"My clock says Aunt Summer and Uncle Seth are gonna be here in.." Blythe stares at the clock intensly. "Little hand two and big hand thirty hours!"

Marissa laughs. "No sweetie, not quite." Blythe sighs sadly. "But you were close! That means that it's two thirty. They'll be here in half an hour. So when they get here, the little hand will be at three and the big hand will be at twelve."

"Hm. When's Daddy gonna get home? He's gonna be home in time to say HIIIIII to everyone right?" Marissa smiles wanly.

"Yup, he will be. Blythe, we have to talk I think." Blythe's mouth drops open.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, you're not. Because I know how excited you are about getting to see everyone, I understand that you're being..."

"Loud?"

"Yeah. But Aunt Summer and Uncle Seth have three kids. Jackson is only a little baby so he needs lot of attention and care. You'll have to be quieter."

"I hate being quiet." Blythe grumbles. "Being quiet stinks." Before Blythe gets the chance to become louder, the sound of a car pulling up is present in the driveway. "MOMMY!" Blythe yells excitedly, although Marissa is sitting across from her on the couch and is near deafened by the cry. "It's them! That isn't Daddy's car!" Blythe propels herself off the couch and excitment grows in Marissa's stomach. She hasn't seen Summer or the rest of the family for almost two years. "Ohmygosh Mommy it's them!" Blythe exclaims, smiling excitedly.

She hear approaching footsteps, little voices talking and laughing. Blythe opens the door to see Tiffany and Tory standing there, out of breath, hands in a knocking position. Summer and Seth, Jackson on Seth's back, are approaching the door. "OHMIGOD!" Summer yells, looking more excited than Blythe as she runs up the stairs and throws herself at Marissa. "Coop!" Blythe looks confused at her mom being called Coop but shrugs it off and turns to Seth.

"UNCLE SETH!" Seth gently lifts Jackson off his back and bends down so he's eye level with Blythe.

"Who are you?" He asks, in a mock confused voice.

"I'm Blythe, silly! I'm you're neicephew.. or somethin' like that."

"Nope. I haven't got any neicephews. I think you must be an imposter, you're way too pretty to be Blythe Atwood."

"Uncle Seth! You know it's me!"

"Well perhaps if I ask you a secret question only the real Blythe would be able to answer, I can tell if you're an imposter."

"Fine." Blythe sighs dramatically, as Tory and Tiffany look on with wide eyes.

"When we visited last year, what was your secret nick name for me, before you got to see how charming I was?"

Blythe makes a circle with her toe in the ground and looks slightly embarassed. "Fat head." She mumbles.

"So it is you! C'mere!" Blythe hugs Seth, laughing.

Summer laughs at Seth. "Don't mind your Uncle Seth, Blythe. He was dropped on his head as a baby."

"Oh." Blythe says, nodding. "That explains a lot." She says, sticking her tounge out at Seth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much for the encouraging reviews! **

**Madusa and the Wizard: Yay! I'm so glad you find Seth to be in character.. I know Ryan hasn't made much of an appearance yet, but don't worry he will soon.**

**Chiclete & Kursk: Yay! I'm glad you guys like the story.. the funniness won't last for long, I don't think, but I'm glad it's like that for now.**

**Yarrie: Well I have an idea but if you guys wanted to put your input, like who you think should be, then I'll take them into consideration. Of course, in the end I may end up just sticking with my original desicion and besides by next chapter it will be fairly obvious who is sick. But input is appreciated! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Hopefully, by Christmas, I'll own the complete box series of The OC. crosses fingers**

**Anyway. This is mostly just cute fluffiness around the Atwood family. Kinda Ryissa fluff. Next chapter everything gets fairly dark and serious, so I think you guys deserve a few chapters like this. This is also uber short, I apologize for that. Like I said it's just fluff. Enjoy it while it lasts people.**

**P.S. I'm sorry for the boring chapter names (i.e. Chapter 1.) Normally I name my chapters after songs but I can't think of any song names just yet.. so don't be surprised if a few chapters along chapter 4 or whatever suddenly has a song name and the other three chapters are still Chapters 1-3.**

**Wow. I so over used the word chapter there.**

"Ryan! Ryan stop it. Summer and Seth are here! Our daughters are asleep next door." Marissa sleepily pushses Ryan away.

"I'm pretty sure Seth and Summer are familar with it all. They're the ones with three kids."

"But I don't want them thinking we're all.. dirty."

"C'mon. Can't you tell how dirty I am? Watch." Ryan kisses Marisa. "Oo. Wow. How much dirtier can I get." Marissa playfully slaps Ryan on the shoulder. He kisses her again and they are both completely oblivious to their door opening and loud screams following it.

"DADDY! STOP CHEWIN' MOMMY'S FACE OFF!"

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"Mrs. Atwood?"

"Yeah. Hi. You're Blythe's teacher right?"

"That's right."

"Is there a problem with Blythe?"

"Well I'm slightly concerned about how things are at home."

Crap, Marissa thinks to herself. But she puts on an innocent voice. "Really? Why's that?"

"It's just.. today at school Blythe told everybody that her father was biting your face off the other night and that if she hadn't stopped him, he would have most likely... swallowed you whole."

Shit. "That's.. a funny story actually. Blythe.. she walked in on me and my husband. We were only kissing.. nothing more. She's only five so she... she doesn't know better."

"I think you and your husband might consider locking the door next time, Mrs. Atwood." The dial tone rings in Marissa's ear.

"Bitch." Marissa mutters.

"MOMMY! Mommy that's a bad word!" Blythe points an angry finger at Marissa.

This is, Marissa thinks, possibly one of the worst days of the month. Ever.

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That Friday, Blythe comes home from school with a note in her hand. Her hand quavers as she hands it to Marissa and she quickly runs outside, to join Summer and Jackson in the hot tub.

**Dear Mrs. Cooper**

**I also think, you might consider checking the room for small children before you permit a curse word to leave your lips. **

**Thanks**

**Ms. Delaney**


	4. Chapter 4

**I first of all want to thank you guys so much for the reviews! I think this is the most reviews I've ever gotten for the first three chapters of a story. They're what keep me motivated to write!**

**Chiclete: lol you're right.. Ms. Delaney is mean.. I don't even know why I put her in there. I just felt like I needed a kind of random filler chapter. **

**k: I think I know who you're thinking of, for some reason.. tell me in your review if you guessed correctly or not.**

**CherryCola12 and Madusa and the 'Wizard': tee hee.. I'm glad you guys both feel so strongly about Ms. Delaney. Maybe we should form a club of haters**

**slinn 01 and coloswi123: I'm glad you guys liked this chapter! Thanks for reviewing!**

"Mommy?" Blythe's small voice sounds scared and upset. "Mommy, please wake up." Blythe murmurs. Marissa's eyes crack open.

"Blythe what's going on?"

"I don't feel good." Blythe's eyes close slightly. "I feel real bad Mommy." Ryan is awake now, staring at Blythe. "Daddy." She turns to Ryan. "I feel bad."

"What kind of bad princess?" Ryan asks. "Does your stomach hurt?"

"No... my head hurts and my froat feels funny. Like it's closin' up. And I'm all dizzy. The room's spinnin'."

"Alright. Why don't you sleep with us tonight and if you still feel sick in the morning, we'll take you to see Dr. Blaine alright?"

" 'Kay." She mumbles sleepily. Marissa and Ryan both decide she's just had a nightmare, and slowly tuck her into the bed.

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Blythe doesn't go to school on Monday. She won't talk to anyone, says her leg hurts 'real awful' and she has a horrible cough. By four thirty, Ryan and Marissa, along with Seth and Summer, are convinced it's more than a little bug. Marissa takes her to the doctor's office. Ryan has to work so Marissa says she'll call him.

"Well Marissa," Dr. Blaine begins, "there are a few things that could possibly be wrong with Blythe. It may be the flu, possibly something that's been going around in her class. But because of her symptoms, we'd like to send her to the hospital. Run a few tests, just to confirm everything's okay."

"W-what do you think's wrong with her?" Marissa asks, putting her hand instinctivly on Blythe's back.

"Really Mrs. Atwood, there's no sense in me telling you and you getting all upset and it turning out to be nothing."

"I want to know. What do you think is wrong with her.

"It.. it could be leukimia."

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"Seth?" Summer asks, walking out into the hallway, Tiffany attatched to her hand, holding a macaroni necklace. Summer's face falls slightly, seeing Marissa with Blythe. "Coop? Everything okay?" Summer asks in a concerned voice.

"Blythe," Marissa says hoarsly, "go play with Tiffany and Tory upstairs okay? You can show them the new Barbies Daddy got you on the weekend."

"But Mommy-"

"Blythe, go. Please." Blythe goes of slowly with Tiffany, looking back slightly scared at her mom.

"What's going on? You're scaring me." Summer says, taking a tentative step towards Marissa.

"They... they said Blythe might have leukimia."

"Jesus."

"They don't... they don't know for sure or anything but tomorrow we're supposed to go up to the hospital and they're doing tests on her."

"Hey, she'll be okay." Summer says gently to Marissa, not sure if she's trying to convince herself or Marissa. "It won't be anything. She'll be fine." Tears fill up Marissa's eyes and she nods, flashing Summer an unconvincing smile.

"I'm going to.. take a shower."

"Marissa.." But before Summer can say anymore, Marissa has dissapeared up the stairs.

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"Seth." Summer throws herself at Seth, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

"Hey Sum.. you okay?"

"No." She whispers. There is a pause, Seth clearly expecting more.

"And.." He prompts.

"Marissa took Blythe to the doctor's today. She might have leukimia."

"Oh man.." Seth says.

"Yeah. They don't know yet.. what it is. But they said it could be." Summer takes a deep breath and leans her head against Seth's shoulder. "I'm so scared for them. It.. it could be Tiffany or Tory. Or Jackson. It could be any of them. But it's her."

"Summer. You've got to stop acting like she's already been diagnosed. She hasn't. The doctors, they're probably just being cautious. I'm sure that he'll call up in a couple days and say all the tests are cleared and that she's fine."

Summer nods a few times and flattens her lips together. "Probably. Yeah.. probably."

"Okay?"

"Yeah... but-"

"Summer," Seth cuts her off, putting his hand on her back, "don't. Don't say but. Because right now, what we know is that she's okay."

"Yeah." Summer nods, closes her eyes and leans back into Seth.

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"Is this Mrs. Atwood?" The voice on the other end of the phone is unfamilair and sounds fairly young.

"Yes. Who's this?" Marissa asks.

"I'm Olivia Kramer, calling from the New Port hospital? Your daughter Blythe was in two days ago for tests."

Marissa nods, but realizes she can't see her. "Yeah.. that's right."

"We have the results. We'd like you to come down to the hospital tomorrow, at nine thirty in the morning."

"Are.. are they bad?"

"Mrs. Atwood, I'm sorry but I'm not authorized to give you that information. Does nine thirty work for you?"

"Yeah.. I can make it work."

"Alright. See you then."

The words keep ringing over and over again in Marissa's head. If the results were fine, if Blythe didn't have leukimia, why would they be calling her in? Why wouldn't they just tell her over the phone everything was fine.

What if everything isn't fine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Hopefully I'll have at least two chapters up this weekend because tomorrow is parent teacher interviews, so no school. :D Which means long weekend, which means more time for me to update!**

**I know that normally I say a little thing to everyone that reviewed but right now I'm just way too lazy to bother.. I'll make it up to you guys next chapter don't worry.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own diddly squat.**

Marissa can't stop pacing the halls of the hospital. She can't stop wondering what's taking the doctors so long. She's glad Blythe isn't there because if she was, she'd have to act happy, like everything was normal. She wishes Ryan was there. He is, technically. He went to get coffee. But she wants him where she can see him.

"Mrs. Atwood?" Marissa turns around on her heel, to come face to face with a small woman, her red curls tied back. "I believe we spoke on the phone?"

"Oh.. you must be Olivia?"

"Yes. Nice to meet you. We have your daughter's resulsts back, if you'd like to follow me?" Olivia, Marissa is beginning to notice, phrases facts or commands as questions.

"My husband... he's just coming. Could we wait?"

"Sure." Olivia smiles warmly and a few awkard moments later Ryan comes back, two cups of coffee in his hands. He hands one to Marissa.

"This is Olivia.. she's talking with us about.." Marissa trails off as Ryan nods understandingly. They follow Olivia into a small room. The blinds are shut, a long table is the only piece of furniture, stiff chairs all around it. They sit down and Olivia points to a large folder on the table.

"I know that Dr. Blaine was not terribly clear with you on why exactly we wanted to test Blythe for leukemia, but her symptoms are commonly found in many leukemia patients. Since she's so young, we wanted to see for ourselves what was going on."

"And?"

"We've found a tumor, in your daughter's leg."

"Oh God." Marissa's hand heads for Ryan's, sloshing over the contents of the cup.

"We hoped at first it would just be a mass, and would be easily removed. But the tests were positive for leukemia." Olivia surveys Ryan and Marissa and takes a breath. "We found out the type of leukemia your daughter has is acute leukemia. You see, most people have red and white blood cells, and they function perfectly normally by themselves. With acute leukemia, it creates too many white blood cells in her bone marrow. The white blood cells ball together, taking up a lot of space.. they clog, if you will. All these blood cells don't work in Blythe's body like regular blood cells should. They're defective, you see."

"Will... is she going to be okay?"

"There are many treatment options you can try and that we'll reccomend. Blythe can come here for chemotherapy, if you'd like that. There are of course some risks. She's so young that the effects of the treatment will probably have a greater affect on her than the would with an adult. It will also be fairly intense chemotherapy, if you choose to take it, so the effects will triple, because of her age and the intensity of the chemotherapy."

Marissa is squeezing Ryan's hand tight, and he's stroking her index finger with his thumb.

"Can.. can we go?" Marissa asks Olivia quietly, in a voice often used when a child is trying to pretend that falling on the playground didn't hurt, but the shakiness of their voice and the tears in their eyes, completely give them away.

Olivia looks like she's going to say something, ask them to stay and go visit some other doctors, but instead she nods. "Sure. Perhaps.. would you like us to phone you tomorrow? Or would you like to come in? There's such a wide variety of treatment plans you can try."

"Yeah.. you can call.. tomorrow, or the day after." Olivia smiles.

"I'm really sorry. I'm sure, y'know.. everything will be fine."

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Hints of some song are coming through the door. Marissa thinks it's Twist and Shout, or maybe the Macerena. When they open the door, Summer is holding hands with Jackson and Blythe. Tiffany and Tory are on either side of the room, and all five of them are dancing wildly, Summer spinning Jackson around, so his feet are just touching the ground. They all look so happy, but the moment they see Marissa and Ryan's faces, they stop dancing, although Jackson continues to spin dizzily on his own.

"Mommy?" Blythe asks nervously.

"Hey sweetie." Marissa's voice is hoarse as she bends down, so she's eye level with Blythe, and hugs her tightly, stroking her hair. Summer looks up at Ryan, closing her eyes for a few seconds.

"Is it..." Summer stops speaking and quickly changes her tone of voice. "Uncle Seth is upstairs, he was setting up the tent for you guys to play in! Tiff, will you take Jackson upstairs, and you guys can go look at it!" She exclaims.

"Okay!" They cry and the four children leave the room, Jackson walking unsteadily behind the rest, holding Tiffany's hand.

"It's leukemia." Marissa's voice is so quiet, Summer has to almost bend in to hear what she's saying.

"God..."

"One in three thousand. We're the one in three stupid thousand. She's... she's so little." Marissa whispers. Ryan and Summer both step towards her at the same time, and somehow they end up in a three way hug. At any other time it would have been cheesy and they would have made immature jokes about it. But now, it feels like holding onto each other is the only way. To get through this, to get Blythe through it, they're not sure.

All they know is, it's the only way.

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Summer and Marissa are out for a 'girl's day.' Marissa begged and pleaded, said she didn't want to go out. That she had to be at home when Blythe got home from chemotherapy. Which is exactly the reason Summer is forcing Marissa to go with her. Because it's Blythe's second round of chemotherapy and after the last one, Marissa stayed in her and Ryan's room for two hours, until Ryan, armed with Blythe, managed to gently coax her out. So they're going shopping. And going for lunch.

So far, the outing on a whole is a disaster. Marissa is being quiet and reserved, staring at all the clothes they pass lifelessly. Summer can hardly believe this is the same girl who once lined up outside LuLu Lemon at four thirty in the morning because the first person there recieved a gift certificate for three hundred dollars to the store.

"Coop, what's going on." Summer asks, knowing right away it's a stupid question.

Marissa shrugs.

"I know that was a stupid question." Summer offers.

"Yeah.." Marissa says, clearly not paying attention to a word Summer is saying.

"Do you like this shirt?" Summer asks, picking up a pink sock from a cart.

"Yeah, it's cute."

"I'm thinking of shaving my head. And adopting a monkey. What do you think?"

"Sounds awesome Sum, go for it."

"Marissa!"

"What?"

"You're not paying attention." Summer creases her eyebrows. "C'mon Marissa, talk to me."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Just.. I don't know. You're just shutting yourself out and it's not good... you have to.. to talk about it and stuff."

"I'm scared. I'm scared that if I talk about it and cry.. I'm scared that it'll become real. That she really is sick.. that she might even be dying. It's not supposed to happen to us... she's so little. She isn't supposed to have to deal with this. We're not that family."

"I know." Summer says softly.

"And I feel like... like every moment I let on I'm upset, every moment we spend at the hospital.. it means she's just getting further and further away from getting better." Marissa stares hard at a rack of shirts but as soon as she blinks the tears she's trying to hide spill over.

"Oh Coop." Summer hugs Marissa tightly, and for the first time in a while, Marissa lets herself show emotion.

In the middle of Ralph Lauren, amidst a gaggle of rich, snobby teenage girls.

It seems like seconds ago that they were those girls.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks so much for the reviews guys! They're what keep me going! Just so you guys know, next chapter or the chapter after that, either one, will include Sandy, Kirsten, Julia and possibly Kaitlin! **

**ocsethummer: Thanks for the review! Ok to answer your question, Blythe is four. Tiffany and Tory are five and Jackson is almost a year. I really want to answer your other kind of question, about Seth, Summer and the kids staying in California but you'll just have to wait! **

**k: Yeah, it wasn't too hard of a guess because... well they're Ryan and Marissa all the crappy stuff seems to happen to them.Me too I like Seth/Summer better than Ryan/Marissa actually, which is weird because this story is more focused on them.**

**Yarrie: Thanks so much! I agree, I want to try and put Ryan in more but because on the show, you have to kind of write him a certain way, I don't think I'm too good at it but don't worry, he'll be in it much more soon. Wow.. that makes a lot of sense haha**

**Sketchy Cord: Yay! I'm glad you liked that.. I originally had this big long part after that, about them kinda.. flashbacking a bit but then I just left it at that. **

**girlz-rule, CherryCola, kursk and movies are our buisness: Thanks loads for the reviews! I'm sorry to lump you guys together like this, hopefully you don't mind too much. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this.. I know it is sad.. that kind of seems to be my thing, sad stories. Kind of morbid :P Hope you guys like this chapter!!**

**Disclaimer: Seriously. I don't own anything.**

Ryan and Marissa used to sleep with their arms around each other. Marissa would have her head in Ryan's chest, leaning against his shoulders.

They don't sleep like that anymore. Ever since they found out about Blythe, Ryan and Marissa sleep at opposite sides of the bed and if they accidentally touch one another, they jump apart. It feels like they're on their first date in the eighth grade, and neither wants to get to close to the other, but both secretly kind of want to.

That night, that night was different. Olivia had called that night, at nearly nine thirty. She told them that they would need to come down to the hospital immediantly next morning. She wouldn't say anymore, just that as soon as they could, they would need to be there. And now, Marissa is crying, face down in her pillow, trying to do it quietly. But Ryan can hear her. So he gently puts his hand on her back, and kind of pulls her over to him. She buries her face in his chest and for the first time in a long time, their arms are around each other.

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"Seth?" Summer's voice is no more than a whisper and the darkness in the room only makes it sound more quieter than it really is. "Seth?" She asks again, raising her voice just enough that Seth can hear her.

"Hm?" He asks sleepily.

Summer bites her lip, trying to work out why exactly she's woken him up in the first place. "I love you."

Seth's arm draws Summer closer. "I love you too." He says.

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Olivia smiles bleakly at them. "I really hate to have to call you here again, but it's hospital policy that we inform you of everything that's happening with your daughter and her treatment. And, the leukemia."

"Is something wrong?" Ryan asks.

"Not wrong exactly. We've just noticed, very subtly, that the chemotherapy currently isn't doing much to improve Blythe. I'm sure you'll bring up the point that she's only been having the chemo for a few weeks, but normally by this stage there's a sign if it's going to improve the leukemia, or if it's spread. Neither one has happened but we're considering, if you'll allow it, to increase the intensity of the chemotherapy, in hopes of getting rid of the leukemia as soon as possible."

"But.. isn't that kind of reckless? I mean.. if the leukemia isn't worsening, why increase the chemo? Wouldn't it just make Blythe feel more washed out? She's only four, how much more can she handle?"

"Mrs. Atwood, I promise you that if we see the chemotherapy is taking an unnecessary strain on your daughter, we won't hesitate to go back to how we're doing it right now. But currently, she might as well not be receiving the treatment. It isn't helping her at all."

"Alright." Ryan and Marissa both speak at the same time. "We'll do it." Ryan says.

"But, you swear.. you'll stop if she can't take it?"

Olivia nods seriously. "I swear."

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"Alright sweetheart, we have to go home now but Aunt Summer is coming to take you out for lunch after and then when you come home, me and Daddy have a special surprise for you!" Marissa is holding Blythe's hand tightly. Olivia is standing, a few feet away from them, trying to look immensley intrested in a bulletin advertising available babysitters.

"But Mommy, I'm scared. You said the chemo's gonna be real worse this time." Blythe whispers.

"Hey, princess." Ryan bends down to be eye-to-eye level with Blythe. "Doctor Olivia told us, that if you think the chemo hurts too much, or if we think it does, then we'll stop right away. You've gotta try just this once okay? And then if you can't do it after, it's okay. Alright?"

Blythe nods bravely and hugs Ryan tightly. "I love you Daddy." As Blythe uncertainly takes Olivia's hand and walks with her towards the elevator, her and Blythe blow kisses back and forth.

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Marissa's cell phone is ringing. She stares around the department store, filled with frantic mothers and crazed toddlers, trying to find a quiet spot to answer it. Not bothering to look at who it is, she flips it open. "Hello?" She says loudly, plugging her ear and trying hard to concentrate on the person on the other end.

"It's me."

"Hey, Summer! How's Blythe enjoying her lunch?"

"She's not. She.. I came to pick her up from the hospital and she was so tired. She.. she looked so scared and so sick so I just took her home."

"Oh.. oh my God. Is she okay?" Marissa is already starting to panic.

"She just had a bath and I'm making her ice cream.. but she really wants you. I don't... you don't have to come home I just thought you should know."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Marissa hangs up the phone, dodges three screaming children and their terrified looking mother, and makes her way to the exit.

Ten minutes later she's pulling into the driveway, slamming the door shut and running inside. "Blythe?"

"In here." A voice comes from the basement. Marissa opens the door and walks downstairs. Blythe is lying on the couch, her head in Summer's lap. A bowl of untouched ice cream lies beside the couch. "Blythe sweetie, Mommy's here." Summer says, running her hand through Blythe's hair.

"Hi Mommy." Blythe croaks. Marissa's eyes flutter closed at the sound of Blythe's exhausted voice.

"How do you feel?" She asks, crouching down next to Blythe.

"Not so good."

"That's it then sweetie, we'll call the hospital and tell them we want to go back to the old chemotherapy."

"Nuh-uh." Blythe says, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "I wanna keep doin' this kind."

"But you're so tired sweetie."

"I know. But it's gonna make me better right? I wanna keep doin' this."

"Okay... if you're sure." Marissa bites her lip and looks extremely uncertain but nods again.

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"What were you thinking."

Marissa wishes she would just get mad at her. Yell at her for letting Blythe continue with the chemotherapy. But he's not. His voice is low, dangerously low. But he hasn't raised it yet.

"Ryan I-"

"You saw how she was Marissa! She's hurting so bad.. she's four for God's sakes she doesn't know what she wants."

"Ryan I'm sorry! I just.. I thought we should let her choose. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" He yells and Marissa flinches, as though he's hit her.

"Ryan.."

"You can call Olivia and tell her that we want to switch back to the old treatment!"

"Maybe I don't want that Ryan!"

"You'd rather have her come home, feeling like this?"

"No! I want her to get better. Can't you understand that?"

"This isn't making her any damn better." Ryan stands up furiously and sits down again. He opens the door suddenly, staring at Marissa pointedly. She leaves and her heart nearly shatters when she hears it slam behind her.

"Coop?" Summer's head is peeking outside the door. Marissa waves her hand away.

"It's fine." Except Summer can tell it's not fine. At all. Because Marissa's voice is shaking and she heard the door slam and the yells.

"Yeah. But it isn't really fine is it."

"No. Nothing is fine. Ryan's mad at me. He's really mad, I don't think I've seen him that mad in a long time."

"Yeah.. but he loves you. He's just scared. We're all scared but I think.. Ryan has a different way of dealing with it."

"I wish.. I wish he knew it was okay to show he was scared."


	7. Chapter 7

**A'ight guys. I'm too hungry and lazy to put a little thing for each of you awesome reviewers. Next chapter I promise I'll answer everybody's questions!**

** 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Summer has been knocking on the foor for nearly five minutes. Ryan thought, after he told her to leave him alone for the ninth time, she'd get the picture and just go. "Atwood. I'm not leaving until you open the damn door. I'm serious. I can stay here all day if I have to."

Ryan only opens the door because he believes her. He believes that she would literally stay there all day if she had to. "Summer, please just go. I'm not really in the mood..."

"I don't care." She says bluntly. "I want to talk to you."

"That was obvious when you were banging at my door.."

Summer ignores this and continues. "So I know you and Marissa had a fight last night."

"Yeah."

"She wants to apologize."

Silence.

"She didn't do anything though." Summer says to Ryan. "She feels like total shit. She thinks you're really mad at her. But I don't think you are. Wanna know what I think."

"Does it matter?"

"Ryan I'm serious. You're not mad at her though are you?"

Ryan shrugs. "I can see it in your eyes.. you're not. You're trying to hide behind this.. this big angry tough Ryan. Because you're scared for Blythe. You don't have to hide behind this angry person.. you're allowed to show you're scared and upset. Maybe you think.. because you're the kid from Chino that you shouldn't. But.. you're not the kid from Chino anymore."

Ryan feels strange. Summer was always the one, out of the other three, that he felt the least close to, but she had summed him up fairly well just then. "I just.. thought maybe you should know." Summer looks as though she's going to leave but she steps towards Ryan, hugs him quickly and leaves.

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"Marissa?" Ryan calls out. "Marissa?" Marissa appears, looking tired.

"Hi..."

"I'm sorry. I was an idiot."

"No.. you weren't. I was. I shouldn't ler our four year old daughter decide things like that."

"No. I was being an idiot. You were right... she needs to do this ,if she's going to get better. I wasn't ever really mad at you.. I was just kinda freaking out and I thought... by being angry it would... y'know." Ryan throws his hands up in the air and Marissa laughs, raising her eyebrows.

"I think that was sort of like.. you sharing your feelings! Who are you and what did you do with my husband?"

"Hmm.. I think your best friend locked him up in the closet and duct taped his mouth."

Marissa smiles and nods her head. "Yeah.. I figured she had something to do with that." There's a pause, where if this was a movie, the romantic music would swell, the doctors would call to say Blythe was fine and they would all live happily ever after. For a second, Marissa wishes this could happen. Her and Ryan would have a little boy and the four of them would spend the rest of their days as one large happy family. She mentally shakes this thought and smiles sadly at Ryan. "We should have a dinner party."

"Oh God." Ryan laughs. "I thought you said we were done with those."

"No.. not like that. You mom... Kirsten and Sandy." She bites her lip. "Maybe my mom. They all know about it but... I don't know. Don't you think it'd be nice?"

"Yeah, sure. Why don't you call Kirsten?"

"Okay. And your mom?"

Ryan shrugs. "We'll see."

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Blythe holds up a tube of lipstick and stares at it, trying to figure out what it's for. "You guys got any ideas?" She asks.

"Maybe it's for your... cheeks? Frush or somethin'?" Tiffany offers.

"Yeah! Frush! You guys put the frush on me and then I'll do it for you."

" 'Kay." Tory uncaps the lipstick and smothers it on Blythe's cheeks. "Boo-tiful." She exclaims.

"Girls?" Ryan's voice comes through the door. "Grandma and Grandpa are gonna be here soon, are you guys coming downstairs." Blythe presses her hand over her mouth, smeering some of the eyeliner on her lips, and giggles.

"Umm... we're busy." Tory says, hoping that will suffice.

"Doing what?" Ryan asks.

"We're... sleeping!"

"Yeah!" Blythe calls. "We're real tired Daddy!"

"Blythe?"

"Nope. I'm asleep." She snores loudly.

The handle of the door turns. "Is the door locked?"

"Nooo..." Tory says frantically. Suddenly, somebody screams. It's Blythe. Blythe is screaming, gasping for breath.

The doorknob is twisting frantically. Tiffany jumps and reaches for the lock. Ryan almost falls on top of her trying to get to Blythe. Blythe's body is almost limp in Ryan's arms and he runs out of the bathroom, down stairs. Tiffany and Tory follow, both crying.

"What's-" Seth starts but the moment he sees Blythe he knows. "Someone call 911. Now!" He barks. Marissa's shaking too hard to move and Summer is grabbing her car keys so he picks up the phone and dials.

"Hello, New Port Hospital, please state your emergency."

"My neice.. she has leukemia she.. I think she's suffocating or something, I think her airway's closing up." Seth states their address and no les then a few minutes later, there's an ambulance in their driveway.

Tiffany and Tory look scared, their eyes are filled with tears. Upstairs, Jackson appears to have awoken from his nap and is crying frantically. "Let's... Seth. I'll take Marissa to the hospital.. could you call your parents and see.. if they can take the kids?" Summer asks, running a shaking hand through her hair.

"Sure.. I'll come up as soon as I can."

"Okay." Summer kisses Seth, hugs Tiffany and Tory tightly, and gently steers Marissa towards the car.

Summer drives faster than she's ever driven. She keeps stealing anxious glances at Marissa. She opens and closes her mouth a few times before she actually speaks. "Coop... it'll be-"

"Don't." Marissa near whispers. "Don't tell me it'll be okay. You don't know that Summer."

Summer doesn't say anything. She doesn't contradict Marissa. Because she knows that it might not be okay.

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"Grandma?" Tory asks quietly, tugging on Kirsten's sleeve.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Did I do something?"

"What are you talking about?" Kirsten asks.

"To Blythe? To make her sick. Is it my fault?"

"Oh sweetie." Kirsten pats the spot beside her on the couch and Tory hops up next to her. "No. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It's something terrible that happened, the leukemia, but it's nobody's fault. Okay?" Kirsten puts her arm around Tory and Tory rests her head on Kirsten's shoulder.

"Okay."

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They're at the hospital. The four of them. Ryan wonders how many times have they been in this damn hospital. Sitting, waiting. Worrying. Only this is the time they've been the most worried. With Marissa and the accident, she was talking. And breathing. She could breathe. Which is something Blythe can't.

There's doctors. Everywhere. Every time one of them yells, or looks worried, their hearts almost explode out of their chest. But no one talks to them. Until, finally Olivia arrives. She looks tired and for the first time, not very perky. "Is she.."

"Your daughter is alive. But there's things we need to talk about. Would you like..."

"We have to see her."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Atwood. This is urgent. I advise that you'd be best to come with me. I'll be brief." The four of them stand up at the same time, and Olivia looks curiously at Seth and Summer. "I'm sorry but this is a private matter.. we only allow family in the room at the moment."

"They are family." Ryan says.

Olivia looks skeptical, but leads them into the same room they've been in the last two times. "I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Blythe's leukemia has spread considerably. Into her lungs, which is why she stopped breathing. Normally these types of things are evident in any tests we do. But for some reason, this has never showed up on anything we've done on Blythe. There are things we can do. We can go for much stronger chemotherapy. Or, there's an operation. It's extremely risky, but when it works it's normally sucsessful. I'm not trying to urge on your decision but a choice must be made fairly quickly. We can get her in the OR right now if you'd like."

Marissa looks over at Ryan. She nods her head, a tiny little nod. "Yeah. If you could give her the operation.. but can we see her. Please."

Olivia smiles. "Right this way."

Blythe looks weak. There's tubes everywhere. She's pale and she looks scared. "Hey sweetheart." Marissa says to Blythe, gulping for air.

"Hi Mommy. What happened?"

"The leukemia's spreading, princess."

Blythe sniffs. "That's bad right?"

"It is pretty bad. But the doctors want to do an operation on you."

"I don't want ta. They're gonna cut me open."

"But sweetie, you'll be asleep. You won't feel anything. And when you wake up, it'll all be okay. Please. For me." Marissa says, stroking Blythe's blond hair.

"Okay... you promise I won't feel nothin'?"

"Not a thing."

" 'Kay. I love you." She says, looking the four of them in the eye. Marissa begins to say it back but her voice cracks and she quickly leaves the room


	8. Chapter 8

**Alright guys! So this is kind of a part one of two chapter.. but not really haha. Anyway. I apologize for the length of this chapter, or lack thereof. I just want to leave you guys hanging. Just so you guys know, these answer to your reviews are form reviews from chapter 6 and 7.. just so ya know. **

**Girlz-Rule: Well you got your wish :D.. Ryan did apologize. I'm not sure I can grant your other wish.. of Blythe being okay.. bu then again maybe I can. You'll just have to read on and see what happens.**

**ocsethsummer: Tee hee I love your questions. Alright well I was hoping no one would be smart enough to notice the fact Seth doesn't seem to have issues getting off work. But here is where he works: You're right. He does own his own comic store. He in fact owns a chain of comic book stores across America and is quite wealthy. He works there sometimes but doesn't actually have to since he owns them.. so that's how he gets time off. That probably isn't even possibly haha, but this is my story so I can do whatever I want. The fab four are all 26ish because this is set eight years after the third finale. I'm going to try and include more Cohen cuteness, the little Tory scene was as much as I could fit in in the last chapter. :) Haha. I was going to have Tiffany and Tory be like "Alright now this is mascara. You put it in your lashes and it makes them look REAL HUGE!" And know everything about makeup but then for some reason they came out as not knowing much about makeup. **

**Yarrie: I'm glad you liked that little last bit and I'm glad you think Ryan is making a few more appearances. I'm not telling you anything about whether or not I'm going to kill Blythe :D or else that would totally ruin the purpose of this story.**

**newportgirl22 and Movies are our buisness: I'm glad you guys liked the story!! Sorry to lump you together again, I really hate lumping people, but it makes it a bit easier.**

**CherryCola12: Ohh boy.. I never even considered this... but now that you mention it... muah. No I'm just kidding I could never do that. It makes me squirm too much.**

**SketchyCord: I am SO glad you like the name Blythe! I actually chose that name because it's the name of one of my favorite actress Blythe Wilson.. she isn't famous or anything but she's in plays in the Stratford Festival Theatre.. anyway that was fairly random, my explanation, but I'm glad you like the name and that you think it's a 'Marissa-ish' name! **

**Anna: Ohh yeah. I love angst. I'm like a proffesional angst writer.. well not really, I've read fics that are waay better at angst then I am but I don't think I'm THAT horrible. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.. I think by Christmas I'll own the complete box set of The OC though.. I've been hinting majorly for weeks.**

Summer returns from the vending machine to find Marissa sitting in a plastic chair alone. She looks like she's folded herself up in that chair and it would take years for her to untangle herself. "Hey." Summer says, fiddling with the wrapper of a chocolate bar in her hand. She had gotten the chocolat. She wasn't even hungry. She stuffs it in her purse and sits down beside Marissa. "Where'd the guys go?"

"To get coffee."

"Hm.. do you want some chocolate?" Summer offers up the bar, staring hopefully at Marissa.

"No thanks."

"Do you wanna go for a walk?"

"No.. I want to stay in case they say anything." Marissa is clutching the armrest forcefully and blinking over and over again.

"Coop?"

"Yeah."

"Hm.. I don't know. I was going to say it's gonna be okay.. but I figured you'd chew my head off."

Marissa smiles sadly. "Yeah.. I probably would have. Sorry I'm being so.. uptight and everything."

"You've got nothing to apologize for... I mean, she's your daughter."

"The scary thing is.." Marissa takes a shaky breath. "The scary thing is, she's our only daughter. I mean," her voice cracks, "if it was you guys... at least you wouldn't have lost your only kid. They wouldn't be able to replace them but, they'd be there. And you'd get to watch them grow up. But if Blythe... we won't get to see her grow up."

Summer extends her hand and Marissa takes it.

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"Well.. this is the shittiest coffee I've ever tasted." Seth says, in an attempt to close the awakrd bridge between him and Ryan.

"Yeah.. it does kinda suck."

"So.. some Seth Ryan time? Haven't had that in a while." Seeing the lack of smile on Ryan's face, Seth sighs. "Hey man I-"

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't talk about it."

"She'll be okay you know."

"You don't know that. The doctors looked worried Seth."

"That doesn't mean anything.."

"Yeah it does. They know what they're talking about."

"No.. the other night I was watching some drama thing and they told this lady she was gonna die. She went out and spent all her money and quit her job.. they were wrong. She had a cold."

Ryan raises her eyebrows at Seth before he cracks a smile and shakes his head. "Seriously."

"Yeah. I'm serious."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Mr and Mrs. Atwood?" Instead of Olivia in front of them, there stands a tall, balding, middle aged man. He keeps licking his lips and extends his hand to Ryan. Ryan awkardly takes it. "We're not done operating on your daughter. I know that Olivia," he pauses to lick his lips once more, "said she would keep you updated."

"Is everything going okay?" Ryan asks.

"The leukemia is spread vastly. We're trying very hard to get rid of it, but it's so hard, with it being so close to her heart." The man smacks his lips together and spits sligtly. "We'll keep you informed."

"Thanks."

"So.." Summer begins. "That's good right?"

"I don't know.. they said it's close to her heart. That's not good." Ryan says, sighing.

"No.. that's definitley not good. And they said it's hard." Marissa says shakily.

"You guys don't get it." Summer says, turning so she's facing the two of them.

"What?"

"You keep.. you keep saying that's not good. This must be bad. Would you just shut up. So far, as far as we know, she's fine. The doctors said the operation is going. It's kinda hard, but they're doing it. So stop saying all these things, as though she's already dead!" Summer throws herself back in the chair and looks slightly embarassed. "Sorry," she offers. "Rage black out."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Marissa." Ryan gently shakes Marissa on the shoulder and her eyes crack open.

"Yeah?"

"The doctors are here." Marissa sits up, her back aching from the awkard sitting position she was in. The same doctor as before stands before them.

"Well?" Marissa asks.

"The surgery is over. We're hoping it was a sucess, it looks good. However your daughter is unconscious right now. With most patients, they would wake up as soon as the anesthetics wear off. Your daughter, however, has passed the marking period for waking up. You can come see her if you like, but we'd like to do some tests on here to see if there's any brain activity going on."

"But I thought... the operation was in her lungs. Why would her brain be affected?"

"It's a complicated surgery Mrs. Atwood. So many things can go wrong. Would you like to see Blythe?"

"When.. if.. will she wake up?" Ryan asks.

"Honestly Mr. Atwood... we don't know. She could wake up and be fine. She would wake up and be brain damaged. She may not wake up at all."


	9. Chapter 9

**Alright! Thanks for the reviews guys! Hope you like this chapter. I also want to dedicate this chapter to my friend Courtney, who's just recently been diagnosed with cancer, starting in her mouth and it's spread to her spine. If you guys could send out a little spark of hope, I'd really appreciate it. I'm also sorry it took me so long to update.. I've been CRAZY busy but I'll try and have at least two new chapters before CHRISTMAS!!**

**Girlz Rule: Thanks for the review! I hope you like it!**

**SketchyCord: Alright so it took me about TEN TRILLION hours to track this information down (:D.. you're lucky you're a faithful reviewer) but on (the British site) the box set is 95.87 pounds. Because my parents are Scottish I know that British money is about half of our money.. so I timed that by two and it's 191 something.. which seems like a lot, I'm sure I read somewhere it's only 140 ish.. but then again you get SOO many awesome bonus features so it's tough.**

**ocsethummer: I'm so glad you like the story enough to ask questions!! Yep Summer is more or less a stay at home mother... I don't know if I ever decide to write another OC story, I'm pretty sure she'll work in it, but it just seemed sort of easier. Hee hee I'm glad you liked the sort of mini 'rage blackout.' At first I was going to have them get into a kind of big fight about it but that comes later... muah. Glad you liked it!!**

**Yarrie: I'm happy you like the story! I have NO idea how many chapters there are going to be... that really depends on what you guys think, the amount of reviews I get, and how far I've decided to take the story. I know what is going to happen with Blythe, whether she will live or not and I have loads more planned out but that really depends on when I feel like stopping.. I have this other story formulating in my brain, it is an OC fic, and I think when I'm done with this I'll put that up so this won't be one of those stories that just drags on for 30 chapters and things just stop happening.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

Tory and Tiffany have arrived at the hospital. Kirsten dropped them off and her and Sandy are at home with Jackson. And now they're seriously starting to wish they could be back with their grandparents, watching Disney movies and eating popcorn. Because here, everyone is so sad. Their cousin is asleep, only the doctors don't say she's asleep they say she's in 'acoma' which is a weird word. Their Aunt Marissa was crying and now she's asleep. Their mommy's eyes are all red and she keeps talking in this watery voice.

So they went to go visit Blythe.

"Wow." Tory points at Blythe with a wavering finger. "She looks real bad."

"I wonder if she can hear us.." Tiffany ponders this and steps suddenly over to Blythe. "Hey." She says to her cousin. "You should wake up now.. everyone's real worried about you. Besides," Tiffany says softly, "you'll miss Christmakuh. And Daddy's head'll prob'ly explode if you're not there. You're his favorite neicephew."

"Yeah." Tory moves from her spot in the plastic chair and joins Tiffany. Her voice cracks slightly. "And we miss you. A real lot. You gotta wake up."

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But Blythe didn't wake up. Hours passed. Hours in which Tiffany and Tory were passed back and forth between the hospital and their grandparent's house, like the ball in a cruel game of catch. Hours in which the doctors ran test after test on Blythe but said they couldn't determine anything just yet. But finally, there they are. The doctors are standing in front of the four and their faces look grim. "Mr and Mrs. Atwood? If you could please join us in here." Olivia gestures down the hall, to what they assume is anothe stupid room. Marissa and Ryan stand up. Marissa takes it as a bad sign when they don't stop Seth and Summer from following.

"Alright. We apologize for the length of time it took for us to get back to you about the test results but due to the amount of tests we had to do, and the fact that we did a few over again to clarify what we were seeing, we couldn't get back to you right away. Your daughter's brain is fine. It's active, she's breathing on her own. We see no reason why she won't wake up soon. We did however, see something that concerned us. Your daughter's leukemia has spread vastly throughout her body. It now occupies almost all of her chest, despite the surgery we've attempted. We're pretty sure if we try to go in again, it would kill your daughter."

"But... but you have to get rid of it." Marissa says, her voice oddly high pitched.

"Mrs. Cooper with intense chemotherapy, there's always a chance that it will go away."

"W-what are you saying?" Summer asks, her hand cluthced tightly in Seth's.

We're saying that Blythe's leukemia may go away with intense chemo. There's a percent, a small percent albiet but one never the less, that it will go away. But Blythe's leukemia is at a late stage three, approaching a four." The doctors look at the four, trying to see if what's going on has registered in their brains yet. "With most stage four patients, they're given a-"

Marissa whimpers suddenly. "Oh my God. She's... stage four means... she's going to die."

"Mrs. Atwood like we said there's always a-"

"Don't. Don't even.." Marissa shakes her head and stops speaking. "Just don't."

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"Marissa.. we have to go home." Ryan says to Marissa, gently puttting his hand on her back.

"No.. we can't. She's here Ryan, at the hospital. They can make her better. We can't take her home."

"Marissa, you heard the doctors. It's stage four. There's nothing they can do."

"No, Ryan you're wrong! She can.. they can give her chemo that will make her better."

"But there's no reason for her to be here, right now. Marissa.. was scheduled a chemo appointment in two days.. right now I think that... that Blythe just needs to be home. With people that love her."

"Okay.."

"I'll go get her." Ryan stands up and walks heavily towards Blythe's hospital room. Across the room, Marissa sees Seth bouncing Jackson on his knee. Tiffany is playing some kind of clapping game with Summer and Tory is sleeping, her head resting on Summer's back. And suddenly, although she tries to stop it from happening and tries to push it away, waves of jealousy wash over Marissa. Because Seth and Summer have three children. Three, healthy, alive children. That are going to.. to live to graduate. Get married. Have kids.

Blythe isn't going to get to do any of these things. She's not even going to get to turn five. And at the moment, this strikes Marissa as the most unfair thing in the world.

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"Hello?" Oh God. It's Ms. Delaney. Marissa seriously can't believe this lady would have the nerve to call here again. "Hello?" She asks again.

"Yeah, hi."

"Is this Mrs. Atwood?"

"Yes, that's me. Is there a problem Ms. Delaney?"

"I know that Blythe has been.. sick?"

"Yeah.. she has leukemia."

"Well." Ms.Delaney swallows. "Blythe has been telling people that... that she's dying.She told her little friend Mykala that if she died, she could have all her Barbies. She's so.. so calm about it. I'm sure her imagination is just playing tricks on her but I just want to make sure that you're aware. Perhaps you could talk to her?"

"It's true." Marissa says this without even thinking about what she's saying, or who she's telling it to. "It's true that she's dying."

"Oh Mrs. Atwood.. I'm so sorry."

And as Marissa hangs up the phone, she realizes, in all the times people have said those three words to her in the past week, that this is one of the few times when she truly believes the person saying it, is really sorry.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"C'mon sweetie. Everyone's waiting downstairs." Marissa crouches down next to Blythe's bed and puts her hand on her back. "We're decorating the tree and we can't start without you!"

"Yeah ya can." Blythe mumbles. "I don't wanna decorate the tree." Blythe had just returned from an intense round of chemotherapy.

"How 'bout if Daddy carries you downstairs? We made apple cider and hot chocolate?" Correction. Seth made apple cider and hot chocolate. It's twenty eight degrees out. The last thing anyone needs is a hot beverage. But Seth is convinced that if they turn the heating off completely and shut the curtains, they can pretend they're in New York.

"Nuh-uh." Blythe sighs. "Mommy I don't wanna do chemo anymore! When I said that I didn't wanna last time, I didn't had to. I don't wanna do it anymore."

"But sweetie, it's going to make you better."

"No it won't. It makes me feel worser."

"Sweetie?" Marissa's train of thought has drifted away from the Christmas tree.

"Yeah?"

"Ms. Delaney called today. She told me that you're telling all your friends you're...-"

"Dying?"

"Yeah. Why did you say that?"

" 'Cause I know. I know how you and the doctors look at each other.. and how everyone's so nice. And how you're sad all the time and Daddy doesn't laugh anymore. But you know what Mommy?"

"What baby?"

"I'm not scared. Know why? I know 'bout heaven and I bet I can still see you and Daddy and Auntie Summer and Uncle Seth. I'm just scared that you guys are gonna be real sad when I'm gone.. and I hate it when you're sad. Like that time you watched that movie... The Boatbook or somethin'? And you cried real hard and I got sad but Daddy said you were crazy and it was just a movie." Blythe smiles faintly and yawns. "And even though he was bein' silly it was still sad. So you've gotta promise me you won't be sad." Marissa clenches her fists in order not to cry. "Promise Mommy?"

"I promise."

" 'Kay. I'll come decorate the tree with you now?"

"Alright."

So they decorate the tree and Ryan lifts Blythe so she can put the angel on the top. And they all drink the apple cider and the hot chocolate, despite the fact that they're dressed in shorts and t-shirts and that as soon as the last Christmas ornament has been hung on the tree, they all go swimming.

Because it's Christmas. Quite possibly the last Christmas they're ever going to spend with Blythe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks so much for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing.**

**CherryCola12: Haha I was waiting for someone to really notice the little 'Ms. Delaney' as opposed to 'Mrs.' You're right. There is such a reason she's not married. I'm so glad you liked the story!!**

**Girlz-Rule: I know me too! And then they become all distant and everything.. but who knows what'll happen.**

**ocsethummer: Aww that's a really cute idea, a whole little Cohen cuteness story. As a matter of fact I don't really know someone that I'm kinda basing Blythe off of.. there are a few little kids she reminds me of, so I suppose in a way she's them blended together. A bit of a mixture of this little girl I know called Ainsley, a little girl named Skylar, and a whole bunch of sick kids I've seen on the TV.**

**SketchyCord: I'm soo happy you liked Blythe's little matureness thing. I was hoping for that and I was a bit nervous I would get some reviews being like 'she's only 4, she's way too mature for her age.' **

**Yarrie: Thank you so much for the note about my friend. She went into the city yesterday for some tests so hopefully we'll hear back within a few days. Gah! I love hearing how much you like the story :D! Here is another chapter, sorry it's so short haha.**

**CohenNAtwood: Yay! A new reviewer/reader! Glad you've found the story and that you like it. It's strange, I'm almost happy to hear it made you sad, because then I know my writing really touched someone. Glad you like it!**

"Alright sweetie. You have a good day okay?" Summer says seriously to Blythe as Blythe heads off for her kindergarden classroom, her oversized purple backpack nearly trailing on the ground.

" 'Kay. I love you!" Blythe waves to Summer.

"Love you too." Seth blows Blythe kisses until she laughs at him. He sticks his tounge out at her and then waves as she dissapears inside.

"So why are we taking Blythe to school?" Seth asks Summer.

"Because Ryan and Marissa need a day away from... everything. Your mom wants to take the twins to see the Nutcracker. Your dad wants to have a guy's day with Jackson."

"He's like... not even two."

"Whatever Cohen. I think it's cute. Anyway. So me and you are going out."

"Oooh no. By some strange coincedence you don't mean going out but actually staying in? Perhaps," Seth raises his eyebrows, "some well deserved alone time."

"No Cohen.. we need to do Christmas shopping. We haven't been alone in forever."

"I knooow, hence me saying we need some alone time. Possibly with the door locked? Possibly with no clothes on. Hm?" Seth says suggestively.

Summer swats him. "Seth, you nasty old perve. We gotta go shopping. And then we can go, and we can have lunch. At a resturaunt. In public. With our clothes on." Seth pouts and Summer sticks her tounge out at him and says, in a voice she would use for speaking to a five year old with; "Fine. If you're a good boy, we'll see."

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"Um.. is this Mrs. Cohen?" A small, timid voice on the line asks Summer.

"Yes? Who's this?" Summer pushes Seth away, causing him to fall off the bed.

"This is Nurse Olivia.. we've met a few times at the hospital?"

"Yeah, I remember you. Is something wrong?"

"It's Blythe..."

"W-..what do you mean it's Blythe?" At the mention of Blythe's name, Seth swiftly gets up off the floor and comes over to the bed, his eyebrows raised worriedly.

"At school, she started to have some issues breathing? Her teacher called the hospital. We were told to call you and that the Atwoods were currently unavailable."

"Is.. please tell me she's okay." Summer's voice cracks and the hand that holds the phone is shaking dangerously.

"We..we need you to alert the Atwoods and come down to the hospital as soon as possible."

"No. You.. she is okay. Right? Please.."

"Mrs. Cohen.. I'm sorry. You just.. you should get here as soon as you can." Summer hangs up the phone and reaches for her shirt. She hurriedly begins to button it up.

"Seth.. we need to get down to the hospital.. it's Blythe."

"Is she.. okay?"

"She.. she won't tell me anything." Summer's eyes flutter shut. "I don't think it's good."

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They pull into the hospital, Marissa jumps out of the car before Ryan even parks it. He follows her. Their minds are both on Blythe. Blythe is all they can think about. And how Summer sounded so upset on the phone and now she told them they needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. They burst through the hospital, stride towards the front desk. A doctor instructs them up to the third floor and they find Seth and Summer already waiting there, looking dishevelled.

"Is she-"

"We.. don't know. They won't tell us anything." A doctor appears in front of them, dressed in blue scrubs, a tired expression on his face.

"Hello, Mr and Mrs. Atwood. Would you like to sit down?"

"Just tell us what's going on with our daughter."

"By the time she arrived at the hospital she wasn't breathing at all. We inserted a tube, hoping it would manually restart her respiration. But she was too far gone. She's.. I'm so sorry. We did everything we could."

Marissa shakes her head back and forth, quickly. "No." Her knees give way and she sinks into the plastic chair.

Blythe.

Is.

Dead.

Dead as in not living.

They said two months. They told them she would probably have two months.

It's been four god damn days since they got the news. And she's dead.

Not breathing.

**Author's Note: Oh man.. I can't believe I just did that. I'm crying, which is very strange considering it's my story. But I'm crying. Because I grew to love Blythe and now I've killed her which essentially seems like a totally stupid thing to do but.. I dunno. I did it. I knew I was going to kill her from the start but I totally didn't think I'd become this attatched to her! Anyway, I just felt the need to include that little tidbit so you guys won't go totally insane on me. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Alright so I'm fairly sure I was like.. asleep or something when I wrote that chapter because looking back it seemed like a fairly stupid thing to do. Actually, it seemed like a REALLY stupid thing to do. I'm fairly mad at myself actually, 'cause I was planning on having her live till Christmukah and they had this really awesome day and it was filled with fluffiness and then like two days after that, Blythe would die but I didn't do that. So I apologize a WHOLE lot for that, it wasn't my plan and if I hadn't wrote that chapter so late, after a lot of tea which made me really sleepy, then I'm certain I wouldn't have done it. **

**So please don't stop reading!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**LongHardRoadOuttaHell: I'm really sorry for the loss of your cousin. I'm really glad you like the story!**

**girlz-rule: Well I can say that you will not be dissapointed... later on anyway. I can't just have them be all happy, hunky dorey. But don't worry. I won't dissapoint. **

**ocsethummer: I'm so happy you liked the chapter.. to be honest, I myself wasn't expecting to do that and before I sat down to write I sort of smacked myself over the head a few dozen times.. haha don't worry I didn't do that. But I am surprised at how it turned out.**

**Anna: Thanks.. I think? Haha anyway keep reading, hopefully you liked the chapter!**

**SketchyCord: Aww... hopefully the fluffy fic made you feel better. Fluffiness is best because it's... well fluffy. You can love the characters and none of them get sick and they all ride off into the sunset living happily ever after. **

**newportgirl22: Aww... well you know what for about an hour after I wrote that, I seriously considered putting up something saying: Sorry guys that chapter was a virus on my computer, don't worry Blythe didn't actually die. But I was going to have her die at some point so I guess I had to get it over with. **

**Madusa and the 'Wizard': Zoing.. I hope that review means, even though I'm stupid for killing her, that you still like the story:D **

**Just so you guys know, this starts right from where chapter 10 ended.**

The doctor looks back and forth from Ryan to Marissa, his eyes occasionally darting over to Seth and Summer. "I'm... I'm so sorry for your loss. You could... see her if you liked? Or perhaps it'd be best if you... left. The.. her," the doctor takes a breath and speaks fast, trying to appear as if what he's saying isn't horrible, "her body will be taken to the mourge, in the basement of the hospital. But you could..."

The doctor trails off, realizing that the four could care less what he's saying. "You...-" Marissa starts speaking but stops, her hand clenching in and out of a fist, shakily. "She..-" Marissa's mouth closes and almost simultaneously, Marissa and Summer turn into their husbands, head burying into their chests. Tears are falling from all eyes, shoulders are shaking.

Clutching on to each other for dear life because it seems like, once again, this is the only way.

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"Mom?" To Kirsten, Seth's voice sounds shaky and unstable, almost like he's been crying.

"Hey sweetie. Is everything okay?"

"No. Blythe... Blythe's dead." There's a long silence, a whimper and the phone hangs up. Tiffany and Tory, who had moments ago, been prancing around the room in their pink tutus, stopped and stared at Kirsten.

"Grandma?" Tiffany asks. "What's wrong?"

Kirsten's eyes fill with tears and she stares out the window forcefully, before getting down on her knees beside the twins. "Sweetie.. Blythe's in Heaven now."

Tory's chocolate brown eyes widen, her mouth begins to tremble. "What.. what do you mean Grandma?"

"She died stupid!" Tiffany yells at Tory. "She's DEAD!" And suddenly both girls are sobbing in Kirsten's lap and when Sandy comes home fifteen minutes later, he finds the three, leaning against the dishwasher, their blonde hair all mixing together, crying. And he can just tell.

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Marissa isn't exactly sure how she got there or who brought her but she finds herself in a tiny room, not unlike the ones that have been the bearer of the bad news recently to her and Ryan about Blythe. Only there's no table, just a tiny couch and a few folding chairs and some stupid, cheesy painting of all these flowers. Ryan isn't there and for a second she thinks she's all alone but she sees Summer, and a man she vaugley recognizes. She's lying on a bed, sort of like the ones she's seen in the on call rooms in doctor shows.

"Where's Ryan?" She croaks out. Right now, she just wants Ryan to hold her and tell her everything's going to be okay.

"He's with Mr. Cohen."

"What.. why's he with Seth?"

"Mrs. Atwood, you sort of collapsed, fainted, if you will. It's just from the shock and grief, it isn't uncommon but we brought you here to assure you were alright."

"Where's my husband?"

"He's with Mr. Cohen, he needed to get out the hospital. I can assure you he will be back very shortly. I'll leave now, you're free to leave whenever you want Mrs. Atwood. I'm so sorry." The doctor lets himself out and Summer takes a cautious step towards Marissa.

"Coop..."

"She's dead. She's really, really dead. And Ryan isn't even here." Marissa pulls her knees up to her chest. Summer tries to put her hand on her shoulder but Marissa shakes it off. "I need Ryan.."

"I know. He'll be back." Summer takes out her cell phone, sinks into one of the chairs and dials Seth's cell number. "Seth?"

"Hey Summer."

"Is Ryan with you?"

"Yeah.. we're heading back to the hospital. I think.. he just needed to get out y'know?"

"Can you hurry?"

"Yeah, we're going as fast we can babe. Is Marissa bad?"

"Yeah. I'm worried, and I'm so scared. For her. For... everyone."

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Ryan and Seth appear within five minutes. Summer hugs Ryan tightly, before leaving the room with Seth, her head on his shoulder. "Did you call the girls? I want to see them.. and Jackson. I need to... I want to make sure they're okay. I know it sounds stupid but this," Summer gestures, "this whole thing seems so damn stupid and unreal, like it could just take them next."

Seth squeezes her hand. "I know. I called my mom. I think they might be keeping the kids, just for the night. I thought maybe we should be there. Or not? They might want to be alone but I figured, just in case.. we can always stay at my parent's."

"No. I think that's a good idea. We'll wait. I want to be there for them, but I don't want to be... overbearing and try to act like I know what they're going through. Because I kinda get it, in a sense, but they're her parents. We can't miss her more than they do."

"I know." Seth says again, stroking her hair. And somehow this is comforting.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Tiffany and Tory are in the attic. Their mommy and daddy are acting so sad. Their Uncle Ryan won't come out of his room and their Aunt Marissa isn't talking. Jackson's asleep, so they're in the attic. At first they played A Little Princess but they couldn't decide who got to be Sara so then they started to play Barbies but they couldn't get into it.

So now they're looking at photos. They find one of four people they vaugley recognize as their mommy,daddy, aunt and uncle. In the picture, they all look younger and a lot happier. Their Mommy and Aunt Summer are wearing what look like red gowns, with funny square hats. Their Daddy and Uncle Ryan are wearing the same thing, only blue. They have their arms around each other.

"What's that say?" Tiffany asks, her finger pointing at a caption scribbled under the photo.

"I dunno... that looks like a... c maybe? I know. Let's go ask Mommy. I bet she can tell us."

"Yeah.." Tiffany says doubtfully, in a voice that suggests their mother could never read such a long sentance.

"Alright." The two girls set off, Tory holding the photo in her hand like it's the Holy Grail. "Mommy?" She asks, her voice becomes swallowed up by the pure silence of the house. "MOMMY?" Summer appears, looking tired and worn out.

"Hey guys! Are you two okay?"

"Oh yeah. But we found a photo and we can't read it and it's buggin' us real bad. So we want you to read it for us." Summer takes the photo and her jaw drops.

"Oh my God.."

"That's what it says!?" Both girls cry at the same time.

Summer smiles sadly and fingers the photo. "No. It says, Class of oh six-Fantastic Four."

"Hm. Why?"

"Well, this is a photo of when we graduate, from Harbor? And it was in the year two thousand and six. You guys weren't born then."

"Wow.. That's a real long time ago."

"Yeah.. you guys look real happy there." Tory offers. "How come you don't look like that?"

Summer feels strange being asked such a serious question by someone so little. "I don't know sweetheart. I think, it's partly because we got older, so we had to start worrying about more important stuff. And we got married and had you guys, so life got to be more.. complicated."

Tiffany's eyes droop. "So we made you guys not happy?"

"Oh sweetie, no. You and Tory and Jackson make our lives light up every day. We love you so much."

"And Auntie Marissa and Uncle Ryan loved Blythe a whole lot?"

Summer's eyes get glassy. "Yeah sweetie, they loved her so much."

"So then why did they let her die?"

"Oh Tor... it wasn't their fault. Aunt Marissa and Uncle Ryan would have done anything if Blythe would have lived. It was a terrible thing that happened and they're so sad. They couldn't do anything about it."

"Okay."

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Ryan looks over at the clock. It's three forty seven. He had been in bed since eleven, waiting for Marissa to come to bed. And now, after smashing his fist into the pillow a few dozen times he's going to find her. He looks in the kitchen first, and then the basement. She's not there. When he heads upstairs, he can hear muffled crying coming from down the hall. His stomach drops and he knows Marissa's location.

She's in Blythe's room. He turns the door knob and opens the door. Marissa is lying under Blythe's covers, a pink Care Bear clutched in her hands. Share Bear. The bear that had been Marissa's and had been given to Blythe one night, when Marissa went down to New York for the weekend and Blythe missed Marissa so much that she had attatched herself to the bear and wouldn't let anyone else touch it.

"Marissa.." The room smells like Blythe. Like flowers, cupcakes and baby Johnson's shampoo. Photots are hung on the walls. Her purple bathrobe is lying on the carpeted floor, from a few days ago. A Junie B. Jones book is lying, face down on the ground. It looks like Blythe had simply gone away to a sleepover, leaving her room in a mess. But she hasn't. Marissa barely acknowledged his prescence.

So Ryan makes his way over to the bed, pulls down the covers and gets in beside Marissa. He wraps his arms around her, and she falls into him, crying. The pink fur of Share Bear tickles his chin.


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay guys so I've been really busy this week, but today was our last day at school, we're off for Christmas vacation so I wanted to write a little thing before I got SUPER bust with Christmas-y stuff. Speaking of which: MERRY CHRISTMUKKUH! Almost Christmukkuh anyway.**

**newportgirl22: Aww thanks so much for the kind review.. sorry it took me fairly long to update, hopefully this is worth it.**

**chiclete: Glad you liked it :D I'm glad it's sad and sweet, sort of a mixture of both.**

**Girlz-Rule: Well let's just say that in the near future, possibly in this story, you may or may not get to see them act as parents again. Possibly.**

**ocsethummer: Oo I want to fit more Kandy in too, I love them. Glad you like my S/S moments :D. Yep, I was planning to do the funereal.. I think I did a really bad job on it actually but meh, you can decide for yourself.**

**Yarrie: Haha I love your reviews.. glad you liked it!!**

**Anna: Your wish is my command.. I saw your review and I was like "alright I'll go post this."**

**Merry Christmukkuh guys, I hope Santa's good to you all :P**

It's raining outside. And as Marissa huddles under the covers, she is happy it's raining. Because it never rains in California, but today is her daughter's funereal and the world should be crying.

Marissa can't believe she is getting ready (or supposed to be getting ready) for her daughter's own freakin' funereal. Your kids are supposed to outlive their parents. By a long time. It isn't supposed to be the other way around. But yet, it's happening to her.

She had told Ryan that she was just going to get changed, because she was, and still is, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweater. And she's been gone for fifteen minutes, maybe a bit more, and she's beginning to wonder when someone will come looking for her. Almost, as if on cue, somebody knocks at the door.

"Hm.." Marissa says thoughtfully towards the door.

"Coop?" So it's Summer. Marissa hadn't expected it to be Summer. She thought it would be Ryan, so this brings down her guard. "Coop? I know you're in there, hiding. Please let me in." Marissa considers this, and decides she'll just stay under the covers and pray that Summer will go away. As if. "Marissa, please. Open the door."

So Marissa drags herself off the bed and pulls open the door, face to face with Summer, who's wearing a black dress, with a simple pair of flat, black, shoes.

"Hey." Summer says softly. Marissa opens the door wider and Summer ventures in. Instead of launching into some big speech, Summer studies Marissa for a moment. "I don't really know what to say to you."

"That's okay... nothing you say is going to... bring her back. Or make everything okay."

"I know. But I feel like I should say something anyway, like I should have something to say. But I just.. don't know what to tell you. But whenver I think of something, it just sounds stupid and cheesy. So I just thought, maybe I could come and just be here? I dunno.. we're getting ready to leave though and.. are you coming?" Summer asks this question gently, biting her lip.

Marissa sighs shakily. "I want to come.. so bad. But I feel like if I come, it means it's real. It means she's really dead and she's not coming back and we're going to have to face that. And I feel like maybe, if I stay here long enough, and wish and hope... that maybe I'll realize it's all some stupid dream and that none of it is real and that she's back. It's just... why did it have to be us? We loved her so much and I just... she was so little." Marissa's voice is no more than a whisper by the last sentance.

"I know sweetie." Summer really is at a loss of what to say. So instead, she hugs Marissa tight and hopes that somehow, in some way, they'll get through this. The four of them. Together.

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"The first thing I 'member about our cousin Blythe, is this time when her and her mommy and daddy came to California for Christmukkuh. Blythe was three, so she was real little. She didn't like the snow, she was scared of it. We kept tryin' to make her play in it and make snow angels but she wouldn't do it. But that night, when we was all sleepin', Blythe got out of bed, real late at night, and went downstairs. She got outside and she started rollin' around playing in the snow. And her Mommy found her and said Blythe, what are you doin' out here you'll freeze! And Blythe just laughed and said Mommy come play! So her mommy, who's our Aunt Marissa, went inside and woke everyone up, except for Jackson who was a sleepin'. And we all went outside and we rolled around in the snow for a million hours." Tory stops to look out amonst the crowd again. "And now, every night before Christmukkuh morning, me and Mommy and Daddy and Tiffany and Jackson go play in the snow.

"Even though Blythe is gone now, and we won't see her for a real long time, every Christmas eve from now, whenever we go and roll around in the snow, I'll think of Blythe and how much we love her and how much we're gonna miss her. So, even though there's no snow in New Port, every Christmas eve, I think it'd be a real neat idea, for everyone to go outside and just stand and look at the stars and think of how much you loveBlythe and how much you'll miss her. So that even though Blythe is gone, you can still 'member her."

Tory stairs at the church and smiles shyly at them before stepping down from the microphone and heading back to the first row of chair, where her parents and aunt and uncle and sister and brother, are all sitting. Her Aunt Marissa wipes a few tears from her eyes, her Mommy sniffs, her Daddy pulls Jackson and Tiffany close, and her Uncle Ryan shuts his eyes and hugs her Aunt Marissa.

"Mommy?" She asks, stepping towards Marissa. "Mommy? Why's everyone so sad? Didn't I do good?"

"Oh sweetheart, you did the best job anybody could ever do. People are sad because your speech makes them think of Blythe, and it's so sweet and nice. But it's also sad, because like you said, everybody reall does miss Blythe."

"Okay.." Tory says uncertainly and hops onto Summer's knee. Seth reaches around Jackson's tiny shoulder and squeezes Summer's hand. Then, like a pile of dominoes falling over, Summer takes Ryan's hand and Ryan take's Marissa's.

Summer wonders why it seems that so many moments they share together are brought upon by tradgedy.

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_"Mommy! MOOmmmYY!" Blythe's voice echoes through the house and a little body is thrown onto the bed. Marissa's eyes crack open as she feels Blythe bounce up and down, shaking the covers. Ryan is awake, pretending to look confused. "Daddy!" She exclaims, as if she's just discovered Ryan. _

_"Hey princess. What're you doing?"_

_"Daddy it's Christmas mornin'! We gotta see if Santa's been! You gotta go down and whistle if he's here! 'Member?"_

_"Blythe, what're you talking about?" Ryan puts on an expression of mock confusion and Blythe's hands fly to her mouth._

_"Oh dear.. Daddy don't tell me you've forgotten CHRISTMAS!" _

_"What! It's Christmas?" Ryan asks, staring at Blythe the way one might stare at a three headed cow. "Why didn't you say so!"_

_"Ohhh booy Daddy. You're pushin' my buttons I tell ya! Now get downstairs! Whistle if Santa's been!" Blythe looks like her head is going to explode from pure excitment. _

Marissa sits up suddenly, her head pounding, her stomach flipping. She looks around and she shudders when she remembers. Blythe's dead. They'll never spend another Christmas morning with her. Marissa almost wants to slip back into her dream world, where Blythe is alive and well. But she can't. Because it's Christmas ("Christmukkuh!" she can almost hear the twins cry) Eve Morning and she can't just stay in bed all day, with the covers pulled over her head.

No matter how much she wants to.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Jingle bells-"

"Batman smells-"

"NOO!!! NO HE DON'T!! NOOOOO SMELL!" Jackson screams at Seth.

Tiffany throws her hands up in disgust. "You two.. I really think you're a bit..." Tiffany points to her head and rolls her eyes like an eighty five year old. "If we're gonna put on the Christmukkuh show we gotta do it RIGHT. Let's start from the top."

"Jingle bells

Jingle Bells

Jingle all the way!"

"NOOO SMELL!" Jackson erupts, out of nowhere.

"I have had it up to here!" Tiffany cries melodramatically. "Daddy! Jackson's drivin' me up the wall. Can you puh-lease take him to the park or sumpthin'? And we can practice by ourselves?"

"Alright, alright. Don't burn the house down." Seth calls, as he takes Jackson by the hand and leads him towards the door.

Summer appears in the kitchen. "Happy Christmukkuh Eve!" She exclaims to the twins, hugging them each. "What're you girls up to?"

"We're puttin' on a Christmukkuh show for Aunt Marissa and Uncle Ryan. 'Cause they're real sad and the show's gonna make them feel better!"

"Aww... guys that's a really good idea. I bet.. Ryan and Marissa are gonna love it."

"We know. Can ya leave so we can 'hearse by ourselves?" Summer laughs, kisses the girls on the forehead and heads upstairs.

**Four Hours Later**

"Okay so.. me and Tiffany are putting on a Christmukkuh show for you guys. Because.. well it's Christmukkuh and we always do it in New York. Plus, you guys have been real sad lately, and we decided that no one gets to be sad on Christmukkuh Afternoon Eve. And PLUS we love you guys a real lot and when you're sad, it makes us sad. So we're puttin' on a show. En joy!" Tory exclaims, stepping back.

First, after an interval of a few minutes, her and Tiffany come running onto the stage, dressed in red and blue pajamas. They dance, to Jingle Bell Rock. Then they sing Jingle Bells, in which Tiffany glares many times at Jackson, silently daring him to yell out. Once that's done, they do an adorable little skit, which consits of many stage-whispers of "NOO YOU GOTTA SIT THERE!" from both girls to each other, and then beams of happiness towards Ryan and Marissa, silently begging them to be happy. Finally, they bring out cups of hot chocolate, warm Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies and toothy smiles to share.

"Hey Auntie Marissa?"

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Did we make you guys happy?"

"You sure did.. you made us very happy."

" 'Kay... do ya think we made Blythe happy?"

"Yes.. I bet Blythe is so happy to see you guys taking care of us."

"That's good." Tory settles herself on Marissa's lap and for a second, Marissa wants to just close her eyes and pretend the little warm body on her lap is Blythe's.


	13. Chapter 13

**So I think I said this would be my last update before Christmas.. I was wrong. It's a Saturday. It's snowing out, I have nowhere to go until five o'clock, so I thought I might as well write another chapter. So I say this for the last time.. Merry Christmas!! **

**Disclaimer (I've forgotten this the last few times... gasp): I don't own anything.**

**Anna and Girlz-Rule: Glad you guys liked it!!**

**SketchyCord: Ooo, your review made me blush! Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked the little core four-ness of that chapter :D**

**newportgirl22: Aww I'm really happy you liked Tory's little speech.. at first I was going to have Marissa say something and then sort of break down and not be able to do it... but anyway I'm glad you liked it that way!!**

**ocsethummer: Yay! I'm happy you liked the funereal.. like I said I was going to make it this big depressing thing, even more so than usual, but I didn't.**

**Movies are our buisness: Glad to see you reviewed and that you liked it!!**

**Yarrie: I love hearing you loved the story haha you could never say it too many times. Hope you like this chapter!!**

It's Christmas morning.

Last Christmas morning, Blythe was three. She was alive and here, tearing open presents, gasping at everything she opened. There's a picture of the three of them, Blythe on Ryan's shoulders, clutching a giant teddy bear. Ryan's wearing a Santa hat and Marissa's beside them, laughing.

That picture is on the coffee table downstairs and when Marissa sees it, her stomach drops and she unsteadily walks towards the kitchen. For once, nobody follows her. Nobody asks if she's okay. And she's glad. Because she's so tired of people asking her that. What do they think she's going to say? "Yeah I'm doing great. My daughter just died, but hey, no worries. I'm alright."

She can hear Tiffany and Tory wripping open presents, Jackson's laughter as he attempts to eat the wrapping paper on a Tonka truck. And suddenly her heart stops, because she swears she hears Blythe's laughter. She's almost certain. She turns around, her flimsy nightgown flaps against her knees under her house coat.

The source of the laughter is discovered when Tiffany comes tearing into the kitchen, holding a sparkling, red dress. Marissa doesn't know how she mistook Tiffany's laughter for her dead daughter's laughter.

"Marissa?" Ryan asks. "You okay?"

"No." She says simply, brushing past Ryan as she runs upstairs.

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Marissa doesn't even know where she's going to go. It's quarter after eight, on a Wednesday morning. A Wednesday, Christmas morning, to be more exact. She hasn't brushed her hair, put on any makeup. She's wearing a white nightgown, that if you squint hard enough, is see through and a purple, bathrobe that only goes to her kneecaps.

The only thing she knows is, there's no way she's getting out of her car. And there's no way she can go back to her house. Because of all the stupid memories that are in that house. Just to pluck an example out of the air, when Marissa was on her way down the stairs, at an alarmingly fast rate, she had passed a wall with a faint scribble of red on it. Marissa had remembered, that that was the day when Blythe had colored the entire wall red, for Marissa's Valentine gift.

"Look Mommy! It's a wall of love!" She had exclaimed.

Marissa will never be able to pass that wall without staring at that scribble of red, and remembering how sweet Blythe's voice had sounded.

And suddenly she knows where she can go.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Marissa kneels in front of the tombstone. There's a variety of things that, to a stranger would probably look like junk, displayed around the grave, and somethings that are just regular, grave things. Flowers, little baby forget-me-nots, Blythe's favorite kind. A picture, wrapped in plastic so as to not get wet, of Blythe when she was newly born, wrapped in a pink blanket. A drawing Tory had made for Blythe, of hearts and what looked something like an angel.

"Hey Blythe." Marissa isn't quite sure what to say. Marissa can't get out anymore than those two words, those two, stupid words. She's ashamed at herself. So she flees the graveyard, reverses the car and drives way over the speed limit to get home.

"Marissa?" Ryan's voice rings our, quiet and worried.

"Yeah.." Marissa says, as Ryan steps out of the house. "I'm sorry." She says simply. "I'm really sorry I just.. I can't do this. Not right now. I can't put on this big act, as though I'm fine, because I'm not."

"You're not the only one though." As soon as Ryan says it, he regrets it.

"Not the only what?"

"You're not the only person that misses her." Marissa's eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry.. I don't mean it but it just.. we're hurting too. It's okay to show you're upset, because we all are. It's better we get through it together, rather than pretend like.. everything's great."

"I should have been able to do something.."

"Don't." Ryan's voice is sharp. "Don't say that Marissa, because you know it's not true. This. Was. Not. Your. Fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. So don't even go there."

Marissa runs her tounge over her teeth, puts her head on Ryan's shoulder, and lets him lead her inside.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Bless the turkey... even though it looks real sad about bein' cutted up and eaten. Bless Santa for comin' and bringing us real nice presents. Bless Mommy for makin' sure Grandma didn't burn the house down when they made the dinner. And bless everyone that's here, 'specially Blythe, who isn't." Tory finishes saying grace and then in a serious tone says, "We may begin to eat."

They eat quietly, the only sound is that of forks and knives scraping together. Tiffany hums nervously and pushes mashed potatoes around on her plate. Jackson laughs and squishes a fistful of gravy covered turkey. Summer's thankful that the kids are there to make these noises, keeping them preoccupied and is even more thankful when Jackson takes off the lid for his sippy cup, spilling milk all over the carpet.

"I'll get that." Summer says, heading for the kitchen, grabbing a fistful of paper towels and returning. She wipes the milk up slowly and when she comes back to the table, takes an extra long time in screwing the lid back on.

"Hummm..." Tiffany wonders out loud. "Y'know what I think?"

"What sweetie?"

"I think you guys all need ta get outta the house."

"Really.."

"Really. You're bein' super quiet and real weird and it's sad. It's Christmukkuh. So after we eat dinner, I want you four outta here." Tiffany bits her lip and turns to Kirsten. "Grandma? Can you watch us? 'Cause I'm pretty sure Mommy wouldn't let us stay here by ourselves."

"Sure sweetie. I think you're absoloutely right."

So, after a silent dinner, Ryan,Marissa,Summer and Seth head awakardly out of the house. "I have an idea." Summer says suddenly. "Follow me." They get in the Range Rover and Summer drives them to The Diner.

Marissa bites her lip. "God... it's been so long since we've been here."

Summer leads the way and pretty soon, they're all at their old table. It looks so similair, yet so different. The menu's changed. The place looks older, more worn out. It looks lonely. But none of this seems to matter. Because soon they're all laughing and talking, like it was only yesterday they were so young and carefree.

As they head outside, a good few hours later, Seth kisses Summer and whispers in her ear. "Summer Roberts, you have just performed a Christmukkuh miracle."


	14. Chapter 14

**So I'm leaving for our Christmas Eve party at my grandma's in 20 minutes and I just quickly finished this chapter, because ocsethummer seems to know me very well and that I kept thinking to myself about what was happening to the core four and how I needed to write about it. **

**girlz-rule: I know.. that's what I was thinking when Summer performed a minor Christmukkuh miracle.. how I should have had her perform one with Blythe but hey, better late than never.**

**ocsethummer: Oh boy I just loved your review it made me happy :D I'm so happy you like the twins, I wasn't sure if I was making them sort of too smart for the young age of five.. glad you like that I'm including Jackson and you are so right about the whole me living this story and just very much wanting to create it.**

**newportgirl22: Glad you liked it and I'm happy you liked Summer's little Christmukkuh miracle!**

**Yarrie: Yeah I had to bring Ryan back.. he'll be making appearances much more sooon. If that makes any sense at all.**

**Moves are our buisness: Glad you liked the chapter!!**

**And I say this for the last time Merry Christmas!!**

Summer is really starting to miss New Port, which is strange because she's there, right now. But she'd been living in New York City with Seth and the kids for so long, that she forgot what New Port is like...how shallow the people are, the fakeness of the town.. yet, she still misses it. The prospect of returning to New York doesn't thrill her. But she can tell they need to go home, soon. Tiffany and Tory will have to go back to school soon. Seth has his job. They have their friends, they have a life in New York.

So that night, after dinner, when she and Seth are sitting on the front porch, she brings it up. "Seth?"

"Huh."

"Do you think we need to get out of New Port?"

"You mean.. go back to New York?"

"Yeah.. I guess."

"Well, we're gonna have to go back at some point. But I mean.. do you want to?"

"No." Summer says this automatically, without even thinking. "I love New York," she adds hurriedly, "but New Port's home. I just.. I feel like if we left we'd just be abandoning Ryan and Marissa. But I also don't know how long to stay, I want to give them space and sort of... let everything go back."

"Well, why don't you talk to them, Marissa or Ryan.. or both of them. And see what they want."

"Okay." Summer nuzzles into Seth's body. "Thanks."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Hey Coop? You here."

No, Marissa thinks. "Yeah." She calls to Summer. The bedroom door cracks open and Summer appears. "Hey."

"Hey.. so I was just wondering... well Seth and I were kinda wondering.. we're worried that we're outwearing our welcome. Like, maybe you guys are kind of getting tired of us and maybe in a couple days or a week or whatever, only if you guys wanted, we should head back to New York."

Marissa looks almost frightened at what Summer has just said. She shakes her head, like a small child. She swallows. "I know you guys have your own life, and you can't stay here forever but... I don't want you to leave. Please."

"Then in that case, we're not going anywhere." Summer smiles gently and flops back onto the bed. Marissa smiles gratefully.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

At this almost exact same moment, give or take a few minutes, Tiffany and Tory are sitting in the guest room, only it feels like their room now, talking about New York.

"Do ya miss it?" Tiffany asks, twirling her hair around her finger.

"Kinda.. I miss our house and I miss Ella. But I like bein' here with the sun... I like bein' near Aunt Marissa and Uncle Ryan.. I think they need us." Tory answers.

"Yeah."

At that moment, a sound of retching comes from next door. Tory's eyes open wide. "Yuck." Tiffany says.

"They're barfin' their guts out, sounds like it." Tory says wisely.

"C'mon. We gotta go see!" The girls clasp hands and make their way towards the bathroom. "Ewie ewie ewie." Tiffany hums. They stand at the door for a few moments before Tory prods it open with her foot.

"Auntie Marissa?" Tory asks carefully. "Auntie Marissa are you okay?"

Marissa looks up, like a deer caught in the headlights. "I'm alright sweetie.."

"Do you got a bug?"

"Umm.. yeah. I just have a little tummy bug."

"Do you want us ta get Uncle Ryan? Or Mommy?"

"No. Don't tell anyone okay girls? I don't want them worrying about me."

"Alright.. you sure?" Tory asks.

"I'm sure Tor. You girls can go back to your room, I'll be fine."

"Okay... I hope you feel better."

The girls leave the bathroom and close the door quietly behind them. "Humph." Tiffany exclaims. She stares at Tory. "So do ya believe her?"

"Not a chance. But... I don't think we should tell no one."

"Yeah.. me neither." The girls turn to each other, lick their thumbs and press them together, their secret sign for a promise, their version of a pinky swear.

Back in the bathroom, Marissa presses her back into the bathtub and slides down onto the floor, her forehead matted with sweat. This can't be happening, she thinks, running a finger over the tiled floor.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

The twins don't keep their promise. It's not because they wanted to tell anyone. But it was dinner time and Jackson was sick. "Where could he have picked it up from?" Summer had wondered out loud, rocking Jackson gently in her arms. "He hasn't seen any other kid for like days, and no one here's sick."

"Nuh-uh. Auntie Marissa's sick." Tiffany had said and immediantly she had clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Tiff, what do you mean?"

"Oh dear." Was the muffled response.

"Tiffany, what do you mean?"

"Nothin'. No one's sick. 'Part from Jackson. No siree, nobody here is sick. Noooo."

"Tiffany."

"It's just that last night me and Tory hear someone throwin' up and it was Aunt Marissa, only she said it was a stomach bug and she'd be fine. She didn't want us to tell anyone 'cause she said you guys would get all worried about her. We didn't believe her, but we said we wouldn't tell cause we promised. Please don't tell her Mommy, please she'll pr'oly explode or somethin'!"

And now Summer is knocking on Marissa's door, despite the fact that no one is answering back. "Marissa, open the door." Summer pounds her fist into the door. "Open the damn door. Puh-lease."

"Summer?" Ryan appears beside her, staring at her curiously.

"Hey Atwood." Summer smiles at Ryan and knocks on the door once more.

"You uh.. lookin' for Marissa?"

"Yes. She's not answering the door."

"Hm.. I can see that. What are you looking for her for?"

Summer stares quizzicly at Ryan. "Tiffany and Tory found Marissa throwing up in the bathroom yesterday and she said she had the flu but.. y'know it's Marissa so I doubt that's what's really going on." A muffled sob can suddenyl be hear from the other side of the door.

"Marissa?" Ryan and Summer asks unaniomusly. The door cracks open.

"Hey.." Ryan says soothingly. "It's okay."

"No it's not." Marissa sobs into Ryan's shoulder. "It's not okay. I'm pregnant."


	15. Chapter 15

**Alright guys! I hope everyone had a good Christmas!! Just out of curiousty, what did you guys get! Anyway, I still have almost two weeks off school so you guys can expect quite a few new updates. The next chapter will be totally focused on Ryan and Marissa, don't expect Seth, Summer or the kids to appear more than once, at the most. **

**girlz rule: Don't worry, it is a good thing. But I thought that Marissa might react like this, given her daughter has recently passed away and she might find it difficult to have another child after just losing one.**

**Madusa and the Wizard: Read on my friend.**

**ocsethummer: I just love your reviews they make me feel so good :).. I really want to fit more Sethummer moments in.. I'm actually starting up a new story, as soon as this one is done, which revolves around Seth and Summer more than Ryan/Marissa, so hopefully you'll like that! I like the idea of having the twins as main characters, I think if I made them maybe nine or ten, they'd be really fun to write.**

**SketchyCord: Haha you seem to be good at predicting what's going to happen.. in this chapter she seems to be dealing fairly well with becoming pregnant but let's just say she won't be feeling like this at all times. **

**newportgirl22: Don't worry it is good news.. yeah Blythe's little present to them. :)**

**k: No worries about being a bad reviewer, glad you like that I'm including Seth, Summer and their family. Hope you like this chapter!**

**Yarrie: Tee hee I'm getting the feeling you like Ryan, oui? But then who doesn't.**

**Movies are our buisness: Yeah, it is good don't worry haha.. she's just sort of scared right now. Hope you like this chapter!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.. I am however the proud owner of the complete box set of The OC, which totally made my Christmas :D**

Ryan pulls back from Marissa and cups her chin in his hand. "Isn't that.." he begins cautiously. "Riss, isn't that a good thing?" Marissa shrugs and takes deep shaky breaths.

"It is. It is but we just lost Blythe and I just.. I don't know if I can handle it right now." Marissa swipes her hand at her cheek in a feeble attempt at getting rid of her tears.

"Marisa, this is good. I think.. having this baby isn't in any way gonna replace Blythe. But it's a good thing." Ryan says to Marissa, putting his hand on her shaking back. "Alright?"

Marissa nods. "Okay." She smiles sadly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"So what do you want ta call the baby?" Tory muses out loud to Tiffany. Like the excellent eavesdroppers they were, the twins had been at the wall, ears pressed against the vent, in order to hear what was taking place outside their Aunt Marissa's bedroom.

"Hmm.. Tiffany." She giggles and sticks her tounge out at Tory. "Nah, I'm just kiddin'. I think they should call the baby," Tiffany strokes her chin, "wait for it." She declares. "My brilliance is a comin'. I think," she began again, "they should call her Belle."

"But how do ya know the baby's gonna be a girl?"

" 'Cause I'm a gen-uis." Tiffany proclaims. "I can just tell... what do you wanna call her?"

"I dunno yet. I think you gotta see the baby's face before you know what you can call it."

"Like the time when Daddy ordered you that Cabbage Patch Doll, 'cause you didn't want a Polly Pocket? And we kept askin' you what you were gonna call it? And you kept saying you hadda see her face?"

"Yeah.. I 'member that... I know what the baby's middle name should be."

"What?" Tiffany asks as she dances across the room.

"Blythe."

This stops Tiffany's dancing. "What if it's a boy?" Tiffany asks, suddenly uncomfortable.

"You said you knew it'll be a girl.. you said you're a genuis. Coure it's gonna be a girl."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"So.. a baby." Seth twirls Summer's hair around his finger. "That's good.. right?"

"Yeah.. I think it'll be good for them... SethIwannastayinNewport." Summer blurts out.

"Hm?" Seth asks.

"I sorta.. I want to stay in New Port, Seth."

"New Port. As in.. here New Port?"

"No asshat.. the New Port in Asia... yeah. Here New Port. I just.. I miss it."

"Despite it's plastic Barbie dolls and fakeness and gossip?"

"Yeah.. it's home Seth. I know we've lived in New York for so long but I just... New Port'll always be home. And I really don't feel right about leaving Ryan and Marissa right now.. your parents are here and I just think it'd be good for us." Summer bites her lip and bats her chocolate brown eyes. "I know how much you love New York, I really do. And I know this isn't fair to you.. but it doesn't stop how I feel."

Seth traces circles on Summer's back. "Okay."

"Really?" Summer smiles widely at Seth.

"Really Sum."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Coop? Coooooop?" Summer calls, knocking on Marissa's door. For the first time in a while, Summer realizes she feels happy. Not overjoyed, not estatic. You could perhaps, say instead that for the first time in a while Summer wasn't feeling terrible and sad. They're moving back home. Returning. For good.

The door creaks open and Summer comes face to face with Marissa. Some of her non sadness deflates, because Marissa looks so sad and lost. She looks broken, fragile. Marissa plasters a fake smile onto her face and smiles widely at Summer. "Hey."

"You okay?"

Marissa shrugs. "No.. not really. But.. I think I might be. Someday."

Summer smiles sadly. "Hey... do you wanna go out somewhere.. walk down to the pier, some shopping? I have some good news.. at least I think it's good news. I'm gettin' the feeling you need some good news."

"Yeah.. good news would be.. good." Marissa smiles. "Sure.. let's go."

Ten minutes later Summer and Marissa are sitting in the car, a plate of French fries on their laps. "So.. what's your good news?"

"How would you feel.. if well, like totally hypothetically, of course," Summer smiles, "we were to move back to New Port?"

"I would say.. that sounds so awesome."

"Well good.. 'cause we're coming back."

"Back here?"

"Yeah." Summer smiles and hugs Marissa. "I just missed it-"

"Wait.. you're not doing this because you feel sorry for Ryan and me right? And you think if you leave us alone we're just going to crumble and totally fall apart?"

"No."

"Promise?"

"Yeah.. at first I figured we should stay for fear of you guys going insane or whatever but I really do miss New Port."

"And Seth.. he agreed to this?"

"Yeah.. surprisingly."

Marissa smiles and her voice shakes. "I'm glad... 'cause I don't know what we would be doing right now if we didn't have you and Seth and the kids here to.. distract us. It sort of feels like, maybe if we have you guys around, we can just pretend it's not happening."

"Yeah but... Marissa you don't want to do that. Because we're all hurting. Isn't it better to show you're upset and scared and to let everyone help you, instead of just pretending like everything's okay? It's... it's not good for you." Summer eats a French fry thoughfully and stares at Marissa, waiting for her to say something.

"I know.. but I'm afraid that if I start crying or if I start acting upset... I won't be able to stop. And I'll become one of those weird ladies who nobody'll go near and has like twenty cats."

"No." Summer says. "No you won't... Ryan loves you too much to let that happen."


	16. Chapter 16

**HAPPY 2008 GUYS!!! I hope everybody had a fun New Years eve.. I sure did. I also hope you guys like this chapter, I wasn't very happy with my last one. Anyway, I'll be closing this story up after a few more chapters. If there's anything you guys would like to see in the last few chapters, put it in your review! I also know that this chapter and the last didn't really seem to have a whole lot of important stuff in it, like they seem more like filler chapters but don't worry I have big plans for the next chapter.. weell not really but more important stuff will happen then, I promise. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**ocsethummer: I'm really glad you are liking the twins.. I am planning a sequel actually.. I'm not going to say anything about it other than the fact that I'm taking your advice on having the twins sort of be the central characters. Thanks so much for all the encouraging reviews!! And I'm sooooooo sorry about how long it too me to update!**

**Movies are our buisness: Yeah, I didn't really like that chapter either, hopefully this one will make up for it!**

**Tough Girls Don't Cry: Oo that's awesome. Well I got tickets for this play in Toronto, the box set of The OC, a ton of clothes, two books, movies and some chocolate tee hee**

**seattlegrll: Glad you liked the chapter!**

**SketchyCord: Haha there is no such thing as saying awesome too much. Haha yeah I did intend that to be funny, although it's weird because I didn't even realize it was sort of amusing until I was proof-reading (my computer doesn't have spell check or Word Perfect so I'm stuck with Word Pad.) Ch'yeah the special feautures are AMAZING. Totally beats the special features from the first three seasons.**

**chiclete: Glad you enjoyed it! **

**girlz-rule: Yeah same with me which sounds strange but I posted the chapter, all 'la-di-da' and then I read it again and I was like "Oh my! I made Marissa pregnant!" Haha**

**Yarrie: Lucky guess :P Haha glad you liked the little cat lady humor :P and I hope you like this chapter!**

**newportgirl22: Yay! Glad you liked the chapter and my Ryan/Marissa stuff.**

**J7chick18: Oo I'm happy you've found the story and that you like it! Happy New Year to you too, although it's already 2008. **

**P.S. I know I said that this chapter would be more or less totally Ryan/Marissa but I've put in more Summer/Seth than I had intended to, so I just thought I'd warn you. **

**P.P.S. I was just rereading the other chapters and I noticed I spelled Newport wrong, it's only one word as apposed to NeW Port. Sorry about that.**

Summer doesn't know how the hell they're going to get back to Newport in two pieces. Or rather, how _she's _going to get back in two pieces. Because this plane ride seems to be taking about ten hours longer than it should and her kids, her three great kids, who just happen to be not-so-great right now, are going insane.

"Mommy," Tiffany's voice rings loud and clear, "that lady's real fat. I bet she couldn't fit in our house. Man, I dunno how they even got her on the PLANE!"

"Tiffany, that's not nice." Summer half growls at Tiffany. "Say sorry to the lady."

"Suh-orry." Tiffany says. "But Mommy, it's true." She insists, whispering into Summer's ear.

Tory appears suddenly, bouncing onto her lap. "MOMMY! GUESS WHAT!" She yells, clapping excitedly. "Daddy took me to see the PILOT! And he gave me a TEDDY BEAR AND A LOLLIPOP! Oh boy Mommy, that guy has a good job. I wanna be a pilot when I'm grown up! And then I can give out TEDDY BEARS AND LOLLIPOPS AND CHOCOLATE! 'Cause that guy had chocolate but he didn't give me any. Only I'll give chocolate to ANYBODY WHO WANTS IT! If they're nice anyway. I was REALLLLLLLLLL nice to the pilot, so he pro'ly shoulda given me some chocolate." Tiffany doesn't look too happy anymore.

"TEDDY BEAR!" Jackson yells, grabbing the teddy bear out of Tory's hands.

"Noo JACKSON! Gimme my bear back! GIVE IT TO MEEEE!" Tory wails as Jackson grabs at the bear.

"Look!" He says proudly to Summer, holding up the bear's torso in one hand and it's head in the other. "Daddy! Look!" He exclaims to Seth as Seth returns to his seat.

"Daddy? Are you okay? You don't look so hot." Tiffany says to Seth, placing her hand on his forehead and looking so much older than five.

"I don't **feel **so hot." He pats his stomach. "We Cohen's are not destined to have a life on motorized things that go up in the air."

At this Tory looks positively distraught. "But Daddy! I want ta be a pilot when I grow up! AND GIVE OUT CHOCOLATE! AND JACKSON KILLED MY TEDDY BEAR!"

"Lollipop!" Jackson exclaims in response to this and throws Tory's technicolored lollipop into the ground.

"DAAAAAAAAAADDY!" Tory sobs.

"Look Mommy! The fat lady's tryin' to get to the bathroom!"

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Hey."

"Hey." Marissa smiles at Ryan. "Look what I found." She holds up a shoe box.

"What's.. oh. Are those.. those home videos from like last Summer?"

"Yeah. And her first day of school. Do you wanna watch them?"

"Sure." A few minutes later, they're sitting on the couch, staring tentatively at the screen. Suddenly, Marissa's voice can be heard and Blythe is on the screen. Marissa gasps at the sight of her and Ryan takes her hand.

"Blythe! Say hi to the camera!" Marissa coaxes from the sidelines.

"No! The camera's stupid!"

"Well then talk to me."

"Okay. Hi Mommy."

"Hey! Where are you off to?"

"School Mommy! Kindey-garden. It's my very first day! I'm gonna learn to read did ja know that! When I come home I'll probably be smarter than you and Daddy!"

The camera cuts to their living room. Ryan is standing in front of the TV, a guitar slung over his shoulder. The guitar is plastic and is hooked up to the Play Station. "What are you playing there Ryan?" Marissa asks Ryan.

"Guitar Hero. I'm kicking butt."

"Well there's a little rockstar here who'd like to play with you. Do you mind?"

"Weell.. I guess I can make a small exception." Ryan says, sighing loudly and winks at the camera. Blythe appears suddenly. Her blonde hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail. She's wearing plastic, star shaped sunglasses and has heart stickers on each cheek. She's sporting a pair of Marissa's four inch, Marc Jacob high heels, a black skirt and a bathing suit top. She's carrying a plastic, Fischer Price guitar.

"Make way!" She exclaims. "Let's get ready to ROCK!" Ryan presses a button on the guitar and seconds later, some heavy metal rock song is coming from the TV. Blythe bounces around unsteadily in the high heels, sighs and kicks them off, and then returns. She jumps all over the place, flips her sunglasses up and down and dances. When the song is over Blythe makes a big show of bowing to the camera. "THANK YOU AMEEERICA!" She yells, waving her fist around in the air.

Marissa feels tears through her laughter at seeing Blythe again. "Remember that?" She says shakily to Ryan.

"Yeah and then after, how she went around telling everyone she was a superstar?"

"I miss her." Marissa says and she's almost surprised by the fact that she said it because she's pretty sure she hasn't said it before.

"I know. I miss her too. So much."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

When Ryan comes up the stairs, Marissa is standing outside Blythe's... old room? She's leaning against the door. "Marissa?"

"Oh.. hey."

"What're you doing?" He asks carefully.

"I'm trying to figure some stuff out." She says vaugely. "I'm trying to figure out what to do with Blythe's stuff. If we should keep it, in case the baby's a girl. If we should give it away. Maybe let Tiffany and Tory look through it and see if they want anything. I'm just.. not sure."

"Well I don't think that if we were to give her stuff away, it's not like we'd be trying to forget about her. We wouldn't be able to forget about her, even if we wanted to, no matter how hard we tried. I think... that it's the memories we have, not her stuff. Maybe we could look through some of it? Keep a few things. Or we could wait until we find out, about y'know.. the gender of the baby. If it's a girl, she'll get to have things around her that will help her know her big sister, help her know how great she was."

"Well what if it's a boy?"

"Then I guess he'll just have to learn to love Barbies and Dora." Marissa smiles softly.

"Is it wrong, do you think, that I'm excited about this baby? I'm really so nervous and scared but a part of me is really excited. So.. do you think that's wrong?" She asks Ryan seriously.

"No. I don't think so. I think it's good you're excited and it's good that you're scared. Because when you're scared, it means you've got something to lose and when you're excited it means that.. am I making any sense at all?"

Marissa smiles. "Nah. But it's cute."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"SNOW!" Tiffany yells, catapulting herself out of the car and into their front yard, which is sprinkled with snow. "Man I missed you!" She picks a ball of it up and throws it at Seth.

"Oh. No. You didn't."

"Yeah. Yeah I did!" Tiffany yells gleefully as Seth dumps snow all over Tiffany's dark hair. Tory stands shyly at the sidelines as Jackson rolls around in the white fluffy stuff, soaking his jeans.

"C'mon Tor. Let's leave these crazy guys and go see the house 'kay?" Summer says taking Tory's hand.

"Okay." Tory obediantly follows Summer inside. "I'm gonna go see my room Mommy! You gotta come see it! 'Cause I forgot Ella and I gotta MAKE SURE SHE'S STILL ALIVE! 'Cause if she's dead Mommy, I'm PREEETTY sure they call that first furfree murder or sumpthin' like that." Summer smiles at Tory as she takes the stairs two at a time. Tiffany comes in presently, snow-soaked, followed closely by Seth and Jackson. Jackson wobbles over to Summer and hugs her legs.

"Oo. That's-"

"Cold! I know! Isn't it great!" Tiffany yells jubliantly, jumping up and down as she shakes the snow off her. "How long are we gonna stay in New York for Mommy? Are we gonna stay a real long time!?"

"Well sweetie, we have to sell our house first."

Tiffany makes a face at this. "Oh. So how long's THAT gonna take?"

"Well it depends. Someone could see the house and decide to buy it after only a couple weeks but sometimes it takes longer than that, a few months maybe."

"ZOING! A few months! So we'll get to be here for our BIRTHDAYS!"

"Maybe." Summer smiles. "Alright little man," she says, picking up a shivering Jackson, "let's get you in the tub."

"No tub." He says robotically, his head drooping onto Summer's shoulders.

"Ookay." Seth says, opening the front door. "We can always throw you back outside."

"Noooo. Tub's good."

"That's what I thought."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"This is good right?" Marissa asks Ryan uncertainly. "I mean.. it's not bad? It's.. it's good."

"Yeah Riss. This is good. A girl. A little baby girl." Ryan puts his hand on Marissa's stomach.

"I know. I'm just.. it's scary because all that stuff we went through before Blythe was born, all those things that happened and then... she didn't even make it to five years old. I just don't want the same thing to happen again. I don't want her to die. I know that might sound... cnynical or whatever but I just.. I don't want that to happen."

"It's not going to Marissa."

Marissa considers retorting back with something along the lines of a 'well how do you know!' but instead takes Ryan's arm, droops it around her shoulders and rests her head on his chest.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Tiffany? Tiffany?" Tory is on the edge of Tiffany's bed, perched there like a bird on a nest. She's clutching a ragged blanket in her hands and is shaking the lump under Tiffany's covers. "Tiffany!"

The lump sits up and throws off the covers, revealing a groggy looking Tiffany. "Whatdoyawant. Isthehouseonfire?" She asks, rubbing sleep out of her dark eyes.

"No. But I had a dream. I had a dream that you died instead of Blythe and I woke up and I couldn't 'member where I was and if you were alive or not. It really scared me and THEN you were sleepin' under your covers so I thought you really were dead." Tory brushes tears out of her eyes. "Man that scared me."

"You're silly." Tiffany says and them matter-of-factly pushes back her covers. "C'mon." Tory giggles and scrambles in beside Tiffany. "I'm kinda glad you woked me up. 'Cause I was real used to us sharin' a bed at Auntie Marissa's house."

"Yeah. Me too. G'night Tiffany.

" 'Night Tory. Love you."

"Love you too."


	17. Chapter 17

**I am groveling for your forgivenesss, the reason being my updates, or rather lack therof. I haven't updated in what feels like a gazillion trillion years so I'm really really sorry about that. I don't really have a good excuse but I've been really busy with school (grade seven is a lot of work haha) and my friend just got back and I haven't seen her for two months so I was hanging out with her a lot. So yeah, those are my lame excuses haha, I hope you'll take them. **

**girlz-rule: Yay glad you liked that! Yep, Ryan and Marissa will be okay, slowly anyway they're becoming okay.**

**seattlegrll: Haha I'm glad it made you cry, it means that the story meant something to you! **

**ocsethummer: Thank you so much!! I love your reviews they make me so happy because you compliment me so much mroe than I should be complimented. I've already started working on the fic with the twins and Jackson as central charcters but because I'm behind with this story and my other story Dancing (which will be update this weekend promise!!) I've decided not to start it just yet. **

**SketchyCord: Yeah no worries, I think there will be plenty Sethummer fluff to satisfy your.. erm... Sethummer craving? Haha glad you liked it!**

**Yarrie: Well I'm going to say she's about a month or two? The next few chapters will be focusing more on her pregnancy and as for that question, yes you are going to see the new baby, although I'm not yet sure how I'm going to do that.**

**Movies are our buisness: Glad you enjoyed it!! Hope you'll like this one too:D**

**k: Haha glad you liked the Tiffany and Tory part, I was going to have Summer and Seth come into their room in the morning and see them sleeping and then add to that, but I just ended it like that but I'm glad I did it like that.**

**newportgirl22: Yeah, I sort of did that girl part on purpose, because it will be bittersweet to write, really happy in a sense but in another really upsetting. **

**vacant3by4: Yeah I miss Blythe too, I really enjoyed the home videos, sort of like a flashback.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

"Seth?" Summer has had a vivid dream, and she doesn't remember exactly what happened, only that it sounded like the dream Tory said she had had, where Tiffany had died. Only it wasn't just Tiffany, it was all of her kids and Seth wasn't there. Well he was, but he wasn't talking to her and he wouldn't look at her. "Seth?" Summer pokes Seth hard in the back.

"Huh?" He asks into his pillow.

"I had a bad dream." She feels like a little girl saying this.

"Yeah." He says thoughtfully. "About?"

"I don't really remember. But it was bad."

"I know a cure for bad dreams." Seth says and turns over to her. "My mom used to do it for me when I was little." Seth gets out of bed and stares expectantly at Summer. He takes her hand and they go downstairs. The microwave clock reads three forty seven. Seth rummages around in the cupboards, sends Summer to sit on the couch and begins making something, what he's making she isn't sure. He appears, five or so minutes later, with a cup of something in his hands. "Hot chocolate." He says proudly, handing it to Summer.

"Seth?" She says cautiously, staring down at the lumpy brown liquid. "What did you **put **in this?"

"Water.. y'know the mixture-y stuff in the package. Sorry. My mom was always good at it." Seth shrugs and stares down at the hot chocolate. He takes the mug out of her hands and places it on the coffee table. He kisses Summer on the lips.

"Did your mom do this?" She asks playfully, between kisses.

"Oh yes. Besides being an amazing cook, she was the female version of Micheal Jackson. Molesting young boys everywhere."

Summer swats Seth on the side of the head as he topples onto her.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Marissa is sitting in her bedroom. That's not right actually. She's lying on her bed, under the covers. Propped up against a stack of pillows, a book in her hand. She's trying to pick a name for the baby. She thought it would be easy. She thought she'd just find a name, a nice, pretty name for their baby. But it's not easy. It's not the names exactly, they're not hard to pick from. It's the eery familarness of the situation. The way she looks at the names her and Ryan had highlighted when they were looking for names for Blythe. The list she finds at the back of the book, on the third last page. The final list, of the top five names they had come up with.

The hardest part, is seeing the B page. _Blythe, _page a hundred and twenty two reads, _happy,joyous. _That was an understatement. Blythe was always happy. Once, Marissa can remember her falling down a flight of stairs, when she was three. Marissa had rushed over to where Blythe had lain, her blonde ringlest covering her face.

"Blythe? Sweetie are you okay?" Marissa had asked.

"Hm.. I think I'm alright." Blythe had lifted her arms and legs carefully, one at a time. "Nope. Nothin' broken."

Blythe was always happy. Marissa would come in in the morning, to wake her up for school or a playdate. Marissa would shake her awake gently. And Blythe would open her eyes and smile. She never groaned and swatted her mother away, as Marissa wasp rone to doing, even at Blythe's age.

Marissa runs her fingers over the six simple letters on the page. She barely even notices when Ryan comes in, until she hears the click of the door shut and feels his body settle onto the bed. "Hey," he reaches over and kisses her on the forehead. "What're you looking at?"

"Baby names," she murmurs, holding up the worn book. By the look of the thing, you'd think that they'd have nine kids, instead of just one. "I didn't really think it'd be so hard.." Marissa trails off.

"Yeah. I know. I tried looking, before. It's hard."

"I just.. I miss her y'know?"

"Yeah."

Somewhere, at the back of her brain, where she reserves really crappy thoughts, Marissa doesn't think Ryan gets it. She knows that he misses her. He was her daughter too, his Princess. But Ryan worked a lot, most days. Sometimes he'd get home late and Blythe would be in bed. Marissa was the one who spent all day with her. She took her to the park, to the beach, shopping. Marissa tries to push this feeling away, because a part of her registers that this is really unfair. Ryan loved Blythe, so much. You could see it in his eyes, when he looked at her. The way he played with her hair unconsciously, or tickled her back when she was on his knee.

He did love her. But maybe not as much as her.

"Summer called today, while you were sleeping," Ryan informs her.

"Hm."

"They found a buyer for the house. It was quick, but they're paying above the asking price."

Silence.

"She's worried. About us. She didn't say but you can tell.. worried about you especially." Ryan observes Marissa as he says this. "I am too. Worried about you. You're quiet and you don't.. want to talk. About it. Or anything."

"She **died **Ryan," Marissa spat visciously. "What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do? Why don't you tell me. You seem to be good at this, getting over it."

"Marissa that's not fair." Ryan says calmly.

"But it's true. You seem to just expect me to be fine. To not even care for God's sake."

"Marissa-"

"No." Marissa gets up, taking the book of baby names with her. She shuts the door, hard. She knows, just then, that she was unfair. And unreasonable. But screw it. Her daughter's six feet under. She has no other choice.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

So Marissa is here. At the stupid graveyard again. The last time Marissa was here, she couldn't say anything, words weren't coming to her. She can't talk now either, but it's different. Because right at this moment, she doesn't feel the need to talk. She feels like she can just sit there, holding onto the roses she had bought from a cheap-stake vendor at the Pier. They don't feel right. It's like when you're a little kid and you draw a really pretty picture. You're proud of yourself. But then you add something, something you think will make the picture look pretty. Only it doesn't. It ruins the entire picture and you have to throw it out and start over. Only no matter how many times you try, you can never get it right.

But now it's not like that, not exactly. The grave isn't pretty. Marissa isn't proud of herself. If anything, she's dissapointed. Because a constant mantra is running through her head; _shoulda, coulda, woulda. I should have done more, I coud have done more, I would have done more. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. _

The rose feels wrong. As Marissa stares at it, trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with it, it dawns on her. The rose is orange, dyed orange obviously. In the stand, it had looked pretty. But Marissa remembers, at this exact moment, that Blythe hated the color orange. "It looks yucky." She'd say dismissively, despite the fact that orange juice was her favorite thing to drink and oranges were her second favorite fruit. "Yeah, but oranges don't TASTE the color orange," She'd say with a sigh in her voice.

Marissa feels panicked at this. She feels the need to rip the rose up, or burn it. She just has to get rid of it. She stuffs it in her purse and her wallet falls out in the process. It opens up to last year's Christmas photo, the silly one. Her favorite one, where they all looked.. natural. Blythe was wearing a Santa hat and her tounge was sticking out. The camera had caught Marissa mid-laugh and Ryan was reaching out, to tickle Marissa or something.

_Shoulda, coulda, woulda. _

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Tiffany and Tory are making their way to the playground. Swaddled up in big, matching pink snowsuits. "Look!" Tiffany exclaims under her neckwarmer. "It's Allie! Allie! HEYYA! OVER HEEERE!" Tiffany yells.

The little girl looks up, her blonde hair barely visible under her red hat. When she sees the two girls, her eyes widen. She turns around for a moment, before walking towards the girls. "Hey!" Tiffany yells, throwing herself at Allie.

"Hi," Allie says quietly. "So you guys are back. My mommy said you were coming back soon. I'm really sorry."

"Why? We wanted ta come back. We get to see you guys!" Tiffany says happily.

"Oh I know. But I'm sorry.. y'know.. about your cousin."

"Oh. Blythe? Thanks."

"Yeah. My mommy said I had to be nice to you."

"But you're always nice to us.." Tory says, a hint of confusion creeping into her voice.

"Yeah.. but you know. Extra-nice. Because of what happened. So you can have my cupcake at lunch, if you want."

"But... you don't have to be extra-nice to us. We don't want you to. Right Tiffany?"

"Right. We don't want your cupcake. You can have it."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Three hours later, Tiffany and Tory have been offered four cookies, a cinnomon roll, half a sandwich and a Grapefruit juice box. They declined every offer of food. "I don't get it!" Tiffany half yelled. "We didn't change! Food isn't gonna make Blythe come back!"

"I know.. they're just bein' nice I guess."

"Hey," Alexis yells, waving her hand up in the air, "you guys want my apple?"

"No! We don't want your STUPID apple! Okay! No apples! No cookie. No nothin'!"

"Geez. Sorry. Daddy told me you guys would be sad.. you're not sad. Just mean."

Tory tries to wipe the tears from her eyes. "C'mon Tory. It's okay. We don't need them or their food. Right?"

"R-right. No food."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

"Mommy," Tory says sadly when Summer arrives to pick the twins up, at three fifteen.

"Hey girls! How was your day?" Summer asks, kissing both girls.

"Awful." Tory said, making a valiant effort not to cry.

"Why? What happened baby?"

"People kept trying to give us their food. They kept saying their Mommy's and Daddy's said that THEY had to be nice to us. On account of Blythe. But they don't. Megan kept lookin' at us funny, all sad and stuff. Even the stupid teacher was in on it." Tiffany sighs.

"Oh sweetie. I'm sorry. I know it's hard."

"Hm. It's alright. I finally gave in, at the end of the day in crafts. I got a WHOOOLE lollipop."

"That's my girl," Summer says, smiling sadly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello everyone! Hope you all like this chapter and I'm glad to see that most people liked the last one! Just as a little teensy warning, sometime in the next few chapters I'm going to do something that may or may not make some of you guys mad. Not tearing-your-hair-out mad (hopefully) but I just know that sometimes when authors do that to me, I get angry. Anywho. Just thought I'd warn you.**

**  
Girlz-rule: Hey! Glad you liked it. Yeah I know I hate to make them sad as well but I figured I had to sort of make Marissa all cold at some point, I couldn't have them going around being all hunky dory. Haha**

**Tines: Hopefully that wasn't too long for an update, only a few days I think.**

**ocsethummer: Thanks!! They'll be coming back soon, but I love just writing Cohen fluff so I'll leave them in New York for a teensy bit longer.**

**michelle1249: Glad you liked it, I always love hearing that people get happy when they find I update. It makes my day.. anyway I'm glad you think that's realistic, I wasn't sure because I've never really been in a situation like this before. Hope you like this chapter!**

**Yarrie: Thanks for the review and for understanding. With March Break coming up, I'll have a lot more time to write. **

**Seth-n-Summer4ever: Thanks!! I love having new readers and I'm glad you found the story (: I'm also happy you like the drama:fluff ratio, I'm never sure what the right balance is but I'm glad you think I've found it!**

**chiclete: Tee hee yes I'm back, thanks for the review! Enjoy this chapter**

**k: Thanks again, I've been trying to make the chapters a liittle bit longer to make up for my lack of updates lol. Hoep you like this one!**

**kodak.x.moment: Glad you liked it! Hopefully you'll like this one too (:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.. although since my birthday is this Wednesday, hopefully I'll be the owner of some OC related things haha**

"Look, sweetie. That's a nice house. Don't you think?" Summer points at the picture of the house, which is blown up in 3D on their computer screen.

"I dunno," Tiffany points a finger in the general direction of the 3D kitchen on the computer. "It's oka-y. But why can't we just pack our house up and move to Newport? Pack-a-House." Tiffany laughs at this, as though she's made the funniest joke in the world.

"Because our house is sold. You know the family that came to look at it. With the daughter and son?"

"Yeah," Tiffany giggles fondly, "the Daddy was funny."

"Well they bought our house. Or at least they're going to. And when they do we have to buy a house."

"But when you bought me that Bella Dancerella game, and it didn't EVEN WORK, we took it back. And they let us get our money back. Why can't we do that with our house? Why can't we say, sorry we changed our minds. Give us our money and our house. Except maaybe we could let the funny Daddy sleep in the guest room."

"Because we just can't honey. That's the way it works. Don't you want to live in a nice house in Newport?" Summer says, her eyes begging with Tiffany to say yes.

"Yeah I gues so. But I loove our house in New York. And I looooveeee the snow. And our friends. Even if they try to give us food to much."

"I know sweetie. It's tough. But Daddy and I were talking, and we're thinking of maybe getting a smaller house in New York-"

"Blech. I don't want a small house."

"Not to live in, Tiff. So that during vacation sometimes, when you girls are on Christmas break and on long weekends we could go to the house in New York."

Tiffany smiles. "That sounds alright. And I could still see my friends sometimes?"

"Sure."

"Hm. Well then. Let's get moving, no time to waste." Tiffany licks her lips. "Chop chop." She adds.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Marissa never used to cook. That's not true, not exactly. She was an expert at macaroni and cheese. She could make killer French toast, and used to make fruit salad for her and Kaitlin when they were younger. But apart from that, she never cooked. Her mom didn't either. She was always worried she'd mess up her nails. Or she'd get halfway through a batch of cookies and decide she couldn't make them, for fear of the insane amount of calories in one. Or something like that.

Anyway, the point was Marissa didn't really cook until her and Ryan were married. A few months after they'd been married anyway. And Ryan was in Boston (this had made them laugh on account of the whole 'cousin from Boston' thing when he first arrived in Newport) building something or other. He had been gone for a week. Marissa reasoned if she didn't learn how to cook while she was gone, she'd either have to live off restaurants and fast food or starve to death. So she took a class. And bought cookbooks. And watched the Martha Stewart show, although Martha certainly wasn't looking very good. Her recipes certainly weren't up to par, Marissa had decided.

And so she caught the bug, the cooking bug. Spaghetti, meatloaf, lasagna, pork chops. Her first few attempts had resulted in a near melt down of the kitchen. But Marissa was a fast learner. And so she learned to cook. However, no matter how gourmet style her cooking was, there was only one thing of Marissa's that Blythe really liked. It wasn't that she didn't eat the other things Marissa made. She'd happily chew on the turkey, tell her that the soup was 'to die for.' But whenever Blythe was sick, or on her birthday dinner she always picked the same thing. A slightly toasted, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Marissa never understood it. Anyone could make a PB&J sandwich. A monkey could probably do it, if instructed properly. But Blythe went crazy for them. "Mommy," she'd beg dramatically, "please Mommy I must have a peanut butter and J sandwich. If I don't I'm going to die. You don't want to KILL me do you Mommy?"

And so Marissa would bring out the bread, and the plastic containers of jam and peanut butter. Blythe's eyes would light up, and she'd eat the sandwich slowly, taking miniscule bites. "I wanna save it," she explained everytime. When Blythe found out that she couldn't bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school because some kids were allergic to peanut butter, Marissa thought Blythe's heart was going to break.

And now, Blythe is dead. Marissa has just uncovered a plastic Skippy jar of peanut buttter. The jar is empty and there's a tiny note in the bottom. Blythe was prone to doing this, leaving notes in things. Most of the time they were messy and you couldn't tell what she was saying but this one is fairly clear. It reads: Mommy. We need more peanut butter. Love, Blythe

For some reason, Marissa can't quite grasp, this sets her off. She slides down onto the kitchen floor, the jar of peanut butter clutched in her right hand, the note, written on pink Hello Kitty paper in the other. And she cries. Big, real tears, that won't stop no matter how many times she tells them to. And then Ryan is there. Marissa doesn't know how, or when. But he's there. And even though they haven't been talking at all (or rather she hasn't been talking to him at all) he gets down beside her, on the cold, tiled floor and he holds her.

The strangest part, to Marissa, is that she lets him. She doesn't push him away, or stand up. She just falls into his arms and let's him stroke her hair. She falls asleep like that, in his arms. It doesn't look like a peaceful sleep, or even the kind of sleep that you'd get any actual rest in. But she's in his arms, her head tucked into his chest.

So he stays there, his arms around her. He misses the first eighty seven minutes of work. But he doesn't care. Because for the first time in what feels like years, she's opening up to him. Not through words, and not, he suspects, even willingly but she is. And that is all that matters

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"I'm worried." Summer states to Seth.

"Hm."

Summer waits for a few moments. "Hello, waiting for you to ask me why I'm worried here!" She says, half jokingly to Seth.

"Oh. Well Summer why are you worried?" Seth asks, stroking his chin in an attempt to look thoughtful and curious.

"Cohen?"

"Yes my love."

"Enough with the chin stroking."

Seth ceases from stroking his chin. "What were we talking about?" He asks.

"I was worried."

"Ah yes. Continue."

"I'm worried-"

"I thought we already established that." Seth yawns.

"Seth! Shut up, this is serious." Summer says, willing herself not to laugh.

"Sorry."

"Good. ANYWAY. I'm worried about Marissa. I called the other day, to tell them about the house. And Ryan answered. He sounded.. weird. Just like.. not Ryan. And I asked if Marissa was there and he said she was sleeping. Then he said that she was sleeping a lot recently. And among other things, it just sounds like she's not doing so well." Summer stares at Seth, her fingers running through her hair.

"Sum.. don't.. don't like take this the wrong way or anything."

" 'Kay," Summer says slowly.

"But.. Blythe... she just died. Don't you think that.. that Marissa doesn't know how to deal with it? That she's still really sad. I know you're trying to help but maybe, just let them figure it out." Seth hides behind his hands as though he expects Summer to attack. When she doesn't, he slowly lowers hie hands and stares at her. "I dunno Sum. But we're going back to Newport soon and I just think maybe it'd be better if they could just be alone until we come back."

"Yeah I just.. I'm worried. I don't want them to fall apart." Summer whispers.

"I know," Seth says gently. "But sometimes you just have to let them fall apart. You have to be broken before you can pick up the pieces. Y'know." Seth shrugs.

Summer smiles at him. "You're really cheesy."

"Hm.. no I'm not. I'm sarcastic and cynical. No cheese in me."

"Yeah. Remember the coffee cart? Or the prom? Or the-"

"Alright. I get the point." Seth waves his hand toward the wall, as if to say these things are of little or no importance. "But cheese is a good thing."

"Cohen?"

"Yes."

"You do get we're talking about cheesiness, not cheese."

"Oh yes. I've always wondered why they did that. Invent the word cheesy. Cheese has nothing to do with it. Cheese smells and is in no way sentimental. You never see a Hallmark card under the Cheesy catgeory."

"Yeah. But Hallmark cards are always cheesy." Summer reasons. Summer wonders, vaugely, how the hell they got from talking to Marissa to talking about Hallmark cards and cheese. As she is finally, slightly remembering, Seth gets up and heads to the kitchen.

"I'm getting a cheese sandwich. You want one?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Alright guys! Sorry but I didn't include a word to reviewer's this time because I'm just about to go eat dinner and I don't have enough time but I'm desperate to post this chapter. Happy Oscar night by the way, for everyone who watched them! Hope you all enjoy this chapter and next one I'll make it up by putting my comments/thoughts whatever from both chapters in response to your reviews. Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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Summer doesn't know how this is happening. She felt like her life was finally, sort of, getting back on track. They were going to buy a house in Newport, a nice house, with a pool. They were going to buy a little house on the outskirts of New York, a cute, small house with a fireplace. Everything was going to be okay. But then Seth started getting doubtful. "Sum are you sure you want to move back to Newport?" He asked a few times. "I hear the prices on houses are skyrocketing." He'd try and squeeze in (which really told Summer something because he of all people knew they could afford more or less any house in Newport.)

And then this morning had happened. Summer had been standing at the stove (trying) to make French toast. The first piece had burnt and both girls refused to eat it. The second and third pieces had not enough egg on them. The fourth and fifth, however, were turning out alright. As she put them down on the twin's plastic plates and squeezed the Aunt Jemima syrup into a little pool on the side of the plates, Seth had walked in.

_"Daddy!" Tiffany pressed her hands dramatically against her face. "Save us Daddy! Mommy's tryin' ta cook. We probably wasted a whole loaf of bread." Tiffany rolled her eyes and promptly dug into her French toast, making a delighted face. _

_"So I was thinking we would fly out to Newport next weekend and look at some houses?" Summer offered, sweeping bits of egg into the garbage. Seth, in response, had coughed loudly, appearing to be choking on his coffee. "Well?" Summer asked, once the choking had stopped. _

_"Summer.. maybe.. I think we should talk."_

_"About.."_

_"About this. Moving to Newport. Living in Newport." Seth sweeped at the counter half heartedly. Summer said nothing, simply crossed her arms and stared at Seth. "Ahem. May I continue?"_

_Summer waved her hand in the air and nodded. "Make it snappy Cohen. The girls have a playdate." Seth knew though, and Summer did too, that this was more than the fact that Tiffany and Tory were going to their friend's house. _

_"You may have noticed but I have been dropping very subtle, unnoticable hints recently about moving. I was hoping you'd get my vibe," Seth fluttered his hands strangely, "but you haven't. So I think we have to talk." Seth nodded seriously. "Yeees sir. Ma'am." He added as an afterthought._

_"Seth, just speak. Don't get all stuttery and weird. Just talk. Please." _

_"Idon'twannamove. There. All done." Seth smiled brightly and went to exit out of the kitchen. Summer grabbed the collar of his shirt. _

_"What?"_

_"You could say, that in a way. I may not want to move. I don't want to move in fact. I.. I don't." _

_"Fight the power Daddy!" Tiffany yelled happily, stabbing her French toast with her fork. _

_"Girls. I want you to go upstairs and get ready okay?"_

_"Can we wear the Ralph Lauren dresses we got from Santa?" Tory asked excitedly._

_"Sure." Summer said, clearly forgetting that the three girls were going to be fingerpainting for a good part of the afternoon. As soon as the twins were out of the kitchen, Summer turned sharply to Seth. "So what are you saying? That you want us to stay in New York? After we've looked at houses? I've talked with the sellers, with real estate agents. You just want me to forget about our life back there and stay here?" Summer took one look at Seth's face and shook her head angrily. "Don't answer that. The least you could have done was speak up. You could have said that you didn't want to move back to Newport, when I asked you. And then again. And again. You had the opportunity!" _

_"I know Sum. I'm sorry."_

_For half a second, Summer's heart broke. But she wouldn't let him change her mind on this. "No Seth. You can't do this."_

_"Summer. Just calm down for a second alright? And hear me out. Newport... it sucked. For me. Until you. And y'know Ryan, because it was thanks to Ryan that I'm with you. But I sitll hate it. It never snows. Hell, it never even rains. In New York, you get four seasons. And the girls have grown up here. This is their home, their life. Aren't you thinking about them? About Jackson? I read somewhere that moving at such a young age can traumatize a child for life." _

_"Don't you dare bring the girls into this!" Summer yelled. "They're happy to move back to Newport. They're estatic! We want shopping for clothes yesterday, skirts and t-shirts. They're excited. Damn it Seth." Summer bit her lip angrily and winced. She had bit too hard. _

_"Did you ever think that this isn't all about you? You want to move back to Newport. So what, I'm just supposed to nod and smile and say okay? For god's sake Summer, it's my life too." _

_"Leave."_

_"What?"_

_"Leave Seth. Because if you don't get out of the house for a little bit, I'm going to get really pissed off at you. More than I am right now. And I don't want the girls left with a visual of me strangling their father. So get out." The worst part was that Seth didn't beg for her forgiveness, or sweep her off of her feet. Whatever. He didn't say sorry. He just left._

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And now Summer is sitting on the couch, trying not to cry. Because it's two in the afternoon and Seth hasn't come back yet. She was mad at first, mad at him for being such a... Cohen. But now she's just upset. And scared. Although she doesn't want to admit it, she's scared he won't come back. Maybe it's because of Blythe, because after losing Blythe, Summer worries more. She gets scared that one day, someone else just won't come home. Or maybe it's because they haven't had a fight that bad in a long time. And maybe that's another reason he won't come back. Not because something happens to him. Because he's mad at her.

Tiffany and Tory are home from their playdate. It was cut short because the girl's house they were playing at threw up in techicolor. (She had been eating the fingerpaint.) The two are home, sitting on either side of Summer. Jackson's lying on the floor. To be more correct, he's lying in his tent which is on the floor. The tent is a two feet high piece of blue and yellow crap. But he loves it. His Batman action figures are in there with him and he's passed out amongst a pile of pillows and chocolate chip cookies.

"Mommy?" Tory asks, her voice gentle.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Is Daddy ever comin' home?"

"Yeah. He's coming back baby. He's just taking his time."

"Are you guys gonna get a divorce?" Tiffany ponders, running her small fingers down Summer's arms.

"No sweetheart. Never. Grownups fight sometimes, just like you and Tory fight. But you'll never stop loving each other, or want to run away right?"

"No. But still Mommy. Tory and me would have no place to go. We don't even get an allowance for Pete's sake. Daddy's got lotsa money. He oculd go anywhere in the whole universe."

"But he won't." Summer says, trying to figure out who she's trying to assure more, her daughters or her?

"You don't know that Mommy."

"Yes I do. Daddy loves us. He's coming back. You wait and see."

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Marissa is not accustomed to saying sorry. She is, in a way, but this is a weird kind of sorry. She doesn't know what exactly she is apologizing for. She kind of does, she was pretty awful to Ryan. She didn't talk to him and when she did it was in short, snippy sentances. She went overkill on everything. Cooking, gardening, redecorating. But after the peanut butter incident, things had been better. Not entirely different, but better. Yet Marissa still feels like she has to apologize. She's been planning what she's going to say for a few days now.

Sitting at the dinner table, with no sound except for the clanking of forkes and knives, and the chewing of the steak, Marissa knows she should just come out and say it. She clears her throat purposefully and then takes a sip of her water. Ryan observes her for a few moments, before cuting off a square of his steak.

"So. I've been wanting to talk to you for.. a little while. About stuff." Marissa says. She nods her head. "I'm sorry. I forget sometimes, that she was your daughter too. You don't deserve this, how I've been treating you. Like shit." She adds. "I'm going to try harder but whenever I feel like smiling.. like maybe everything's going to be alright I just. It doesn't feel right. Without her. I don't feel like I should be allowed to be happy."

"I think that.. that she'd want us to be happy. I know that's the biggest cliché in the book. Whatever. But it's true. She hated to see you sad. Remember-"

"The Notebook? Yeah." Marissa smiles sadly. "She hated that movie because I always cried like a baby." Marissa shakes her head, as if shaking her focus back. "So anyway, I'm sorry Ryan."

"I know. It's okay."

"But it's not really okay-"

"Marissa. It is. It's going to be okay." Over the past few weeks, over the past twenty six years for God's sake, people have said those five words to Marissa more times than she can count. 'It's going to be okay.' She never used to believe them. In fact, until right then, Marissa is pretty sure she's never believed anyone when they've said them.

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At three fifteen Tiffany appears at Summer's side. "Mommy?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Spiderman's at our house."

Summer shoots Tiffany a puzzled look but she simply shrugs. "He wants to talk to you. He told me so."

"Ookay. You sure it's Spiderman sweetie?"

"Positive Mommy. I saw all FOUR Spiderman movies y'know. I'm pretty sure I'd recanize him."

"Alright.. you stay inside okay?"

"Sure Mommy."

Summer looks around the living room, trying to decide if she should grab a baseball bat or not. She settles for the latter and cautiously opens the door. She immediately knows that this isn't the real Spiderman, if there were such a thing. This is none other than the friendly neighbourhood Seth Cohen. Hanging from their roof, in January, with a spiderman mask on his face.

"Seth? What-"

"Hey. Don't steal my line." Seth says, through chattering teeth.

" 'Kay."

"Summer. What are you doing here?"

"What do you think Cohen." She murmurs, tears gathering in her eyes.

And right there, in the snow and cold, Summer forgets everything. She just unravels the Spiderman masks and kisses Seth, sweet and tender just like that day at the poolhouse, in the pouring rain.

**So did you guys like that? Haha originally I was going to have Seth come home with a street sign he found with Summer's name on it (Summer street.) Haha anyway hope you like that!**


	20. Chapter 20

**So I am like uber sorry about not updating in so long! I've been really busy, with March Break and my friends and family and hockey.. it's been crazy. So I just got a chance and I went a little chapter crazy in hopes of making up for not updating in so long! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! For those of you who are like "Oh my god this story is just dragging on," lol no worries only about two more chapters and I will be done.**

**seth-n-summer4ever: Thanks for the review! Yeah it was tricky for me to write that chapter cause I hate seeing/writing Seth and Summer fighting, but I liked doing the ending. As for the moving question.. well you will just have to read this chapter to find that one out :)**

**chiclete: Yeah!! I was watching the Rainy Day Women a few days before writing that because I had been really stuck on that chapter, and I was like "Oh! I'll bring Spidey back in here somehow."**

**newportgirl22: Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it! Sorry about the Ryan/Marissa thing.. I didn't put quite as much R/M interaction in here, you will soon see why.**

**SketchyCord: I know you're on a writing hiatus (sad but I totally get where you're coming from) so I don't know if you'll even read this but if you do: aww thanks so much for the review! And oh my god I could not apologize more for Dancing.. it's like 11 pm here but I am working away on that because I feel so bad about not updating it in 338688704838 years! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**tines: Thanks loads for the review, glad you liked the S/S loverly fluff :)**

**k: Thank you! I love writing lots of S/S and you love reading it. That works for me :) Enjoy this chapter!**

**anja: Hey! So glad you've found the story, I love when 'new people' lol find it and enjoy it enough to read the whole thing! Haha well you will just have to keep on reading to find out about Newport and Marissa! Hopefully you'll continue reading! **

**Yarrie: lmao I loved writing that.. even though I love each character in this fan fiction, writing the kids is definitely the most fun part. Haha yeah well I got the street sign idea from this stor y (haha as if you acer :)) my friend Lauren was telling me about this time her brother and his girlfriend got in this big fight. The girlfriend was really mad at him so he went out and spent hours looking for this sign and when he came back her apologized and gave her a street sign with her name on it :) **

**k is happy: Your review really made my day.. or night I guess. Anyway, although I love writing and do it mainly for myself, I write in hopes that I'll touch someone or make their day a little bit better. I'm so glad I managed to make you happy and hopefully whatever you were going through is better now :)**

**kodak.x.moment: Thanks for the review! I actually cried while writing the note part, I'm still so attatched to Blythe!**

**michelle1249: haha yeah, of course, it's Seth and Summer :) they will always forgive each other. Glad you liked that chapter, hope this one is worth the wait.**

**Disclaimer: It's quarter past 11, I've been writing since 9:30, I'm waay to tired for a disclaimer. So good night and enjoy.**

Marissa had thought about this moment before. Whenever she did, that was when she forced her mind onto other things. Pilates, music, crappy reality TV, ultrasounds of their baby. Anything but Blythe's birthday. The day is here now. Marissa doesn't know what to do. June nineteenth. Marissa hates the way it sounds so cliché but it really does feel like it was yesterday that it was all happening. Blythe's first word (bagel.) Her first day of kindergarden, her first best friend.

Blythe didn't have many firsts. She should have been able to have more firsts. First boyfriend, first day of highschool, first big tooth. First sleepover for God's sake. But she had't been able to. It's not fair. Marissa doesn't know how many times she's been through those words. It's. Not. Fair. She would have been five years old. Marissa wonders sometimes, why it couldn't have happened to someone else. She feels bad when she says this but someone with a lot of kids. Six or seven. They only had the one. And sure, they're going to have another little baby girl. But she'll never be Blythe.

Marissa feels like she did when she was six. She had this pet rabbit named Hopkins. Marissa had seriously loved that rabbit. One day, Hopkins had a heart attack and died. Marissa was devestated. She wore black for almost two weeks. She had come home from school one day to find a new bunny sitting in Hopkin's old cage. "A replacement bunny!" Her mom had trilled. Marissa hadn't wanted a replacement bunny. She just wanted Hopkins.

It isn't exactly the same. She's sure she's going to love this baby. But what if she looks like Blythe? What if she sounds like her.

The point is, Marissa doesn't know what to do. She's been lying in bed with the covers pulled over her for about twelve minutes. She doesn't want to look at the clock. Blythe was born at ten fifty seven am. She can remember the way the world seemed to stop when the doctors put Blythe in Marissa's arms. The day they brought Blythe home from the hospital. They were scared out of their minds. She's pretty sure Kirsten stayed with them for almost a week.

The phone rings, snapping Marissa out of her.. whatever the hell she had been in. "Hello?"

"Hey Coop, it's me." Summer's voice sounds staticy on the other end. "Sorry, the plane is like just landing.. I'm hiding out in the bathroom 'cause you're not really supposed to have your phone on. Anyway the damn reception sucks."

"Hi."

There's a silence, slightly awkward. "So since Ryan isn't home.. I was gonna drop the kids and Seth off at the house and come over and say hi or something? You could come back to the house or you could come over.. it doesn't matter?"

"Yeah.. I don't care." Marissa says stiffly. "Whatever you want... I'm sorry Sum. I'm just sorta.. out of it."

"I know.. I know that today was her.. her birthday."

"Yeah," Marissa murmurs, her voice shaking ever so softly. "I wish... I wish I wasn't alone." What Marissa really wishes is that Blythe was here. But she'd settle for having someone to be there with her.

"I know. We'll be there soon, it'll be okay Coop. Listen some lady's banging on the door but I'll come over as soon as we get into Newport 'kay?"

"Okay. Bye Sum."

"Bye Coop."

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_"Mommy. Mommy.. you gotta wake up!! COME OOON!! Waake up!" Blythe threw herself on her parent's bed and began jumping up and down. "Daddy's makin' waffles and we gotta open my presents!! 'Cause I'm four today Mommy!! REALLY really four!" _

_Marissa forced her eyes open and smiled at Blythe, whose blonde curls were bouncing up and down as her tiny body continued to jump. "I know sweetie! You're all grown up!"_

_"No.. you're all grown up Mommy! You're practically five thousand years old." Blythe giggled and hugged Marissa. "I'm just kiddin'.. you're probably only three thousand. Anyway, Daddy's makin' banana and chocolate chip waffles."_

_"Uh oh. That's a disaster waiting to happen." Marissa teased, poking Blythe in the stomach. Blythe laughed happily._

_"Mommy?"_

_"Yeah baby?"_

_"Tell me the story again. Of how you and Daddy were sittin' and it was a biiiig storm and I decided I wanted ta come out and then-"_

_"Hey, are you telling this or am I?" Marissa smiled. _

_"You I guess. Go nuts," Blythe waved her hands around in the air. _

_"Alright. So Daddy and I were sitting at home one night. It was very late and dark because the power was out. I was a little bit scared, because there was a huge storm going on outside and it was thundering and lightening like crazy. Daddy and I were sitting on the couch, in the pitch black when all of a sudden I realized it was time for you to be born. And I turned to Daddy and I told him that you were on your way. Do you know what he did?"_

_Blythe knew very well what her Daddy did but she loved this part of the story the best. "No. What did Daddy do?" _

_"Daddy laughed very hard. Because all the roads were washed out and the power was out and he thought I was joking, trying to make things seem funnier. But I was very very serious. So Daddy got his cell phone and called the hospital. They said they'd try and bring an ambulance, but that it would take a while. And it was nearly four hours before an ambulance could come. Daddy and I were both very worried because you were just about ready. The ambulance got there and started driving and then do you know what happened?"_

_"Not the faintest idea. What happened?"_

_"The ambulance broke down. And you were on your way, very fast, and the ambulance broke down. And then Daddy fainted. You came and after it was all over, there was a big article about you being a Storm Baby in the newspaper. You were very famous for a few days."_

_"What'cha talkin' about Mommy? I'm practically a superstar!" Blythe giggled, tossing her hair dramatically. _

_"C'mon munchkin. We better stop Daddy at the stove before he seriously injures himself."_

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Summer hangs up the phone, sticks her cell phone into her purse and opens the door. "Excuse me Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to sit down, the plane will be landing shortly." The chubby flight attendant informed her.

"Yeah, right away."

Summer makes her way to her seat and sits down in between Tory and Seth. "Hey Sum.. the plane's landing soon," Seth informs Summer queasily.

"I know," she says softly. "I was calling Marissa."

"Everything okay?"

"Not really... Ryan isn't even there. He had some like huge buisness thing in Canada and there was this massive rain storm and the plain got delayed so he won't be home.. and it's Blythe's birthday. So Marissa's alone."

"Oh.. is she okay?"

"No, I don't think so... I was just hoping that he'd get home beause even though I'm her best friend and everything, I know she really wants him. More than me, 'cause he really gets it," Summer mumbles.

"Yeah.. guess it's a good thing we're moving back to Newport right? The Fantastic Four together Seth said, smiling halfheartedly.

That was why they're on a plane to Newport. Seth had agreed to move back to Newport, after many days (or had it been weeks?) of Summer getting angry at him, bribing the girls into talking to him about it and threatening, more than once, to get the Americen Express and take herself and the kids to Newport in the middle of the day when Seth was at work.

She can remember the way he told her that he would return to Newport. It had been in his Cohen-y way (cheesy and sweet.)

Summer had come back from a day of shopping with their neighbour, Morgan. She had been tired and cranky, on a high from buying so many clothes. Summer had pulled into the driveway and Tiffany had burst out of the door. She had looked a disaster (Summer had left Seth to pick out clothes for the kids and he had as much fashion sense as an elephant.)

"Why hello Mommy," Tiffany had said, diving for the car and grabbing two shopping bags.

"Hey babe," Summer kissed Tiffany on the top of her head. "How was your day with Daddy?"

"Not so hot," Tiffany groaned.

"What did he make you for lunch?"

"I dunno.. it looked like it was maybe a hot dog, a few hundred years ago.. so I didn't eat it. Me and Tory ate some of our Halloween candy," Tiffany made a face. "It was fuzzy."

"Yuck," Summer said, sticking out her tounge.

"I know it was yuck Mommy. It was superdy uper yuck."

"Well how about I make you something yummy to eat. We could have ice cream," Summer said, widening her eyes and smiling, like ice cream was the Holy Grail.

"ICE CREAM! I looooooooove ice cream Mommy. So so so much. I love it almost as much as I love you and Daddy and Tory and Jackson and-"

"Alright, I get it. You love ice cream. C'mon," Tiffany followed Summer inside, shopping bags in hand. The house, surprisingly, hadn't been a total disaster. There was a coloring book on the floor, along with Jackson's blanket and four Barbie dolls. But apart from that, everything was fairly tidy.

Tory came up from the basement, Jackson holding onto her hand. "Mommy!" Jackson cried, teetering across the floor and throwing herself at Summer.

"Hey sweetie! Did you have fun with Daddy?" She asked Jackson.

"Hm.. pretty fun. Yuuuucky hot dogs," Jackson screwed up his eyes and Summer laughed.

"So where is Daddy?" Summer put down the bags on the breakfast bar and gave Tory a quick hug.

"He was in the living room I think.. he had the phone."

"Who was he calling?" Summer asked.

"I dunno.. probably Martha Stewart."

"Why would her call her Tiff?"

" 'Cause she could teach him how to cook.. duuuh Mommy," Tiffany took Summer's hand and dragged her into the living room.

Seth was sitting on the floor, a checkered blanket on top of the carpet. Carefully placed on the blanket was two plates of Chineese food and a bottle of wine.

"Ta da Mommy! It's just like Lady and The Tramp! Only you and Daddy aren't dogs and there's no pasketti and.. well. I guess it's nothin' like Lady and the Tramp! But it's a romantic dinner for two," Tiffany gestured and winked at Summer. "We'll leave you guys alone but 'member, we're next door and we got reeealll big ears!" Tiffany nodded knowingly and then led Tory and Jackson out of the room.

"Seth?" Summer asked, a confused look on her face. "What.. what are you doing?"

"Well I tried to make spaghetti, like Tiffany suggested, but it burned and nearly set the oven on fire sooo I ordered Chineese."

"No but.. what are you **doing**?"

"Whaat.. can't a guy enjoy a nice meal with his wife?"

"Yeah, sure. But at like three thirty? On the living room? Whatever," Summer smiled and picked up a meatball. "I'm hungry."

Once they had finished eating, Seth had produced two, abnormally large fortune cookies. "Seth? What the hell are in these, bombs?"

"Harhar, very funny Summer. Just open 'em up," Seth smiled and prodded the fortune cookie towards Summer. She stared at it uncertainly before cracking it open. Inside the fortune cookie was a-

"Seth? Why is there a picture of a house in my fortune cookie? Seriously, did you like pick these up from the street?"

"No my dear Summer.. tell my first though, do you like the house?"

"What the f-"

"Sum. Do. You. Like. The. House," Seth stretched it out slowly, like he was talking to a foreign person.

"Yeah, it's an amazing house... a really great view of the beach and a sweet kitchen.. I'd die for that kitchen.

"Whoo," Seth draped his hand dramatically across his forehead.

"Whyy?" Summer whined.

"So you would say, theoretically, that you'd like to live there. In that house?"

"Yes. I'd love to,"

"Good."

"Why!" Summer exploded.

" 'Cause we're moving to Newport and I bought you a house."

Let's just say, that night, there is a possibility that there will soon be a Baby Cohen Number Four.

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Marissa's clutching her cell phone to her ear, her eyes closed tight. Praying and praying that he'll pick up. She doesn't know what she'll do if he doesn't. There's a bottle of pills in the cabinet, sleeping pills that the doctor gave her right after Blythe died. And then there's the painkillers in the bathroom, from the time Ryan broke his wrist. Then there's the bottle of vodka in the fridge.

Not that Marissa would ever try, with the baby so close. But she doesn't know what she'd do anymore. Just last week she took a tack and poked it gently into her wrist. Just hard enough to squeeze a tiny drop of blood out, but no more.

"Hello?"

Oh thank god. Marissa suddenly thinks she's going to cry. "Hello?" Ryan says again.

"Hi," Marissa whisperes.

"Hey," Ryan's voice becomes more gentle.

Tears are pouring down Marissa's cheeks and she can't talk. "I love you," she chokes out.

"I love you too.. so much. I'm sorry I can't be there," Ryan says, his voice cracking at the end of his sentance.

"I know.. it's okay," Marissa says, pressing her ear to the phone, like if she gets close enough, she'll slide into the phone and be with Ryan.

"No, it's not.. I shouldn't have left."

"It's.. it's not your fault Ryan. It isn't. Summer's coming over soon."

"So you won't be alone.. that's good. I'm trying to get home, so hard. I mean.. what kind of a country has a rain storm in June," Ryan says softly.

Marissa smiles, more tears clouding her eyes.

"Listen babe, I have to go, but it's going to be okay. I promise. I love you,"

"Love you too," Marissa listens to the dial tone for a few seconds before she hangs up. Marissa stands up slowly, her cell phone still in her hand. She walks down the hall, quietly and steps into Blythe's room. They haven't cleared her stuff out. When Marissa sits down at Blythe's desk, she can still see Blythe's pencils in her plastic jar and her lined paper neatly stacked. In fact, when she lifts up the first ten sheets, she comes across a picture. Two stick people that go to the top of the page and one little stick girl, with blonde hair and two blue dots as eyes. At the top of the sheet, in Blythe's scribbling writing is the word Famly, missing the i.

Marissa holds the paper up to her eyes, closes her eyes and holds it tight in her hands. She walks out of Blythe's room, leaving the door open, and goes downstairs. The TV is on for some reason and Marissa is certain she turned it off.. even if she hadn't, it's now switched to some litte kid's channel. Arthur is on, the episode where D.W. reads that story to the Tibble twins. This was Blythe's favorite episode of Arthur.

This in itself isn't so weird, but it's the thing that happens next, and the thing Marissa remembers that really weirds her out. A song comes on the TV as the episode finishes. A song from High School Musical 2, You Are The Music In Me. This was Marissa and Blythe's song. They used to dance around the living room singing this song.

And then Marissa remembers something. It was just days before Blythe had died.

"Mommy," Blythe said, twirling a lock of Marissa's hair around her finger.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Do you want me to give you a sign?"

"What do you mean?" Marissa asked.

"When I die.. do you want me to give you a sign?"

"You're not going to die baby," Marissa assured Blythe.

"Everyone dies Mommy. But do you want me to give you a sign.. to let you know I'm okay?" Blythe said, in a dead serious voice.

"Alright.. what kind of sign?" Marissa asked, pulling Blythe into her lap.

"I dunno.. my favorite song or somethin' could come on the radio?"

"Deal," Marissa had kissed the top of Blythe's head.

And now Blythe's favorite episode of Arthur is on TV and her favorite song has just come in. Marissa isn't a big believer in god or the afterlife or.. whatever. But this is a sign. She's sure of it. A sign on Blythe's birthday, which makes it even more special. So Marissa, although she feels completely insane doing it, touches the TV screen and says, "Hey Blythe. Happy birthday sweetie.. hope you're having fun up there."


	21. Chapter 21

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Tiffany sighs dramatically and flips her dark hair over her back. "Mommy," she says, sighing loudly, "I forgot how hot it is in California. It's liiike.. a million degrees out."

"It isn't a million degrees out sweetie," Summer says patiently. "Maybe if you went into the water you'd cool off-"

"Noo Mommy. I can't go into the water. Never ever ever."

"Why not?" Summer asks, adjusting the straps on her bikini.

"Because.. there are sharks in the water," Tiffany says.

"But the sharks aren't in the part of the water where you swim hon. They're way far out. They won't hurt you," Summer assures Tiffany.

"But they might."

"Tiff, you've never worried about the sharks before. Why now?"

"Alright.. but you gotta promise you won't tell anyone 'kay Mommy? Not even Tory or Daddy, 'cause they'll think I'm a baby, like Jackson.. promise Mommy."

"I promise."

"Cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?" Tiffany says seriously.

"Yup."

"Do it!"

"Alright, alright. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye," Summer says. "Now c'mon. Spill it."

"Well," Tiffany sits down on the blanket beside Summer, "Aunt Marissa and Uncle Ryan are real super sad 'bout Blythe dying. They pretend like they're not, but you can tell they really miss her. And if Blythe comed alive again, then they'd be happy. And I don't like it when you and Daddy are sad. So I don't want to die because then you would miss me like Aunt Marissa and Uncle Ryan miss Blythe and that wouldn't be good.. and I don't wanna die like Blythe did 'cause she was only little. Littler than me even. And that's too little to die. And I also don't wanna leave you guys either. 'Cause I bet heaven is real nice and everything, and probably God and me would have a hoot of a time, but I don't wanna leave you and Daddy and Tory and Jackson and everyone else I love. Not just yet."

Tiffany bites her lip nervously, surveying Summer for a reaction. "Oh sweetheart," Summer whispers. She touches Tiffany's cheek and pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Tiffany looks up at Summer, her eyes big and sad. "So you gotta promise Mommy, that you'll never leave me okay? Never ever. So we'll make a deal. I won't swim in the ocean or cross the road without looking if you won't go away for real long and drive over the speed limit. Okay?"

"Okay," Summer says sadly. Tiffany sticks out her hand and Summer shakes it.

"I love you," Summer tells Tiffany.

"Not as much as I love you," Tiffany assures Summer, lying back on her towel and closing her eyes.

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Ryan wakes up in the middle of the night. He's been doing this a lot recently. Normally he creeps out of bed, careful not to wake Marissa, and goes downstairs. Sometimes he watches infomercials. Sometimes he has a sandwich. And sometimes he just sits there, on the couch. This night is no different, except for when Ryan wakes up, Marissa isn't beside him. He stares around the room, as though maybe Marissa's lying on the floor or hiding in the closet.

He gets out of bed, arches his back and walks out of the bedroom, wincing every time the floor creaks. He checks the bathroom, then Blythe's room and then what will soon become the baby's room. Marissa's not there.

Ryan then goes downstairs and enters the kitchen. She's not there either. He chekcs the living room and finds Marissa huddled on the floor, her head leaning against the love seat. "Marissa?" He says quietly. She jumps and looks back at him.

"Hey," she says.

"Are you okay?" Ryan bends down beside Marissa.

"I"m not sure.."

"Okay.. do you feel sick or something?"

Marissa laughs wryly. "You could say that.. I just.. I think it's the baby."

"Is she okay?"

"There's nothing wrong with her.. I think she's coming," Marissa says this in a surprisingly calm voice.

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Ryan asks.

"I don't know.. I'm sorry. I was already up, watching a movie, and then I just.. I realized what was going on," Marissa's face twists in a slight expression of pain for a few seconds and then she relaxes again.

"Well do you want to go to the hospital?" Ryan asks nervously, putting his hand on Marissa's back.

"I don't know.. not right now. They'd probably just send me home. We can wait a little longer.. maybe an hour or two," Marissa breathes deeply through her nose.

"Okay.. can I do anything?"

Marissa smiles. "Unless you know how to give birth to a baby? No, you're pretty much useless. You can call Summer though," Marissa offers.

"Right on it," Ryan practically dives for the phone and dials Summer's number. There's a few rings and a groggy voice picks up.

"Huh-lo?"

"Hey Tiffany, it's Uncle Ryan."

"Hey Uncle Ryan!" Tiffany's voice immediately perks up. "I'm glad you called 'cause I wanted to see you but it's sorta late don't cha think.. normally I'm in bed right about now... but that's alright. I'm flexible. So what's up? You and me and Tory should definitely go see the new Dr. Seuss movie on Friday! The one about.. the guy? Who lives in a forest of somethin'.. the Lorax!" Tiffany exclaims.

"Tiff?"

"Yeaah?"

"That sounds great, we'll have lots of fun.. we can throw popcorn at the screen during the bad parts.. but could I speak to your Mom?"

"Sure.. why? Am I in trouble?"

"No Tiff... Marissa's having the baby," Ryan explains.

"Wow!! REALLY! Right this minute? I have to go come over right away Uncle Ryan! I got a doctor's kit yesterday! I'll slice open her belly button and take the baby out all by myself! Please can I? I'm a real good doctor, it won't hurt a bit!" Tiffany promises.

Ryan laughs. "Well Doctor Cohen, that sounds great except I think we'll go for a real doctor this time. You can be the baby's nurse though how 'bout that?"

"Alright.. dealy-o. I'll get Mommy now. Be riiight back! MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!" Tiffany screams.

Ryan pulls the phone back from his ear. There is a lot of loud noises followed by a delighted giggle and a nervous scream. And then Summer picks up the phone. "Hey.. Ryan?" She sounds tired.

"Hey Sum.. sorry to call so late."

"It's okay, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Marissa's having the baby," Ryan says.

"Ohmigod! Seriously?!"

"Yeah," Ryan smiles.

"Is she okay?" Summer asks. Ryan looks over at Marissa. She's gripping the strings on her dressing gown very tightly and her face is slightly pale.

"I'm not sure... I'm not exactly an expert at these things," Ryan says.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"Sure," Ryan shrugs.

"Alright.. I'll be right over."

Summer hangs up the phone and Ryan flicks on a light, then crawls back to Marissa. "Summer's coming over," he informs her.

"Okay, that's good," she smiles meekly.

Ryan settles Marissa into his arms and plays with her hair. "So do you have any names?" He asks her.

"Well.. I had one name.. but I don't think you'll like it," Marissa says.

"Hm? What?"

"Noo," Marissa smiles. "You'll hate it."

"C'mon.. it can't be that bad." Ryan brings out his fingers and heads towards Marissa's stomach, ready to tickle her.

"Ry-an! I'm in labor!"

"So.. I can still tickle you."

"Alright! Okay fine. Marlo."

"Marlo? As in like.. my dog Marlo?" Ryan laughs. Marissa pouts. "I'm just kidding Riss.. you know what. I like it. It's a nice name.. unusual."

Marissa's face brightens, as her hand tightens on Ryan's. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Seriously. I like it."

"Good," Marissa smiles. "Cause you know, it's not like you really get a say in it all."

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"Daddy," Tiffany informs her father, "baby's aren't apposed to take this long! I bet I took three seconds. This baby's takin' ninety katrillion hours," Tiffany says. She pokes her father to make a point.

"I know sweetie. But for all babies it's different. You and Tory took a very long time to come, but Jackson was really quick. This time I guess the order's reversed.. Blythe was a quick baby, but this one takes a long time."

Tiffany makes angry eyes and looks up at the ceiling. "Maybe there was a traffic jam in the sky," she suggests. "And the stork is sittin' behind a bunch o' cars and that's why he isn't here yet."

"Probably," Seth says, smiling.

"No Daddy, definitely. I'm always right ya know," she tells Seth.

"Really? I dont' think so."

"Yes. I am. I'm a genuis that's why Daddy."

"Sure you are," Seth rolls his eyes dramatically. "And I'm a girl who-"

"DADDY! EWWWW!! You're not a guh-rl!"

"Exactly. You're not a genuis," Seth smiles smugly.

Summer comes out at that moment and Tiffany jumps out of her chair happily. "Hahahahahahahah! Mommy! Tell Daddy I'm a genuis please. He doesn't believe me!"

Summer looks as though she doesn't hear Tiffany. "Sum?" Seth asks, standing up quickly. "What's wrong? Is everything okay."

"It's fine it's just.." Summer's voice breaks off. "It's just they can't find a heartbeat for the baby." Summer's eyes fill up with tears and she lets out a sob. "It doesn't mean anything, I'm sure she's okay but.. it's just no fair Seth. They've.. they already lost Blythe and Marissa wants this so bad.. and if this baby doesn't make it, I don't know what they're going to do."

"Oh Sum." Seth takes Summer's hand and kisses it gently. "Go back in there okay. I know that Ryan isn't great in a crisis. And everything is going to be alright. Remember when they lost Jackson's heartbeat? And we thought he was gone. They found it and look." Seth gestures, to where Jackson is smashng trucks together and yelling wildly. "He's alive, he's healthy. Tell Marissa we love her."

Summer nods shakily and starts down the hallway. Tiffany approaches Seth, all traces of laughter gone from her eyes. "Daddy? The baby's gonna be okay.. right?"

"Yes sweetie.. remember what I said? I'm a genuis," Seth pulles Tiffany onto his lap.

"Nuh-uh.. I said I was a genuis. YOU said you wera girl... are Grandma and Grandpa gonna come? With Tory?"

"They'll be here soon, they called earlier to say they would be here after Tory had ice cream."

"Tory got ICE CREAM!" Tiffany shouts. "Tory gets ice cream and I'm stuck at the smelly hospital," Tiffany sighs and shakes her head. "Story of my life," she says wisely.

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Summer doesn't even want to step back into the hospital room. Because if she does, and Marissa and Ryan just have that.. look on their face, she doesn't know what she'll do. Blythe was as close as one of her own kid's and she misses her almost as much as Marissa and Ryan. If they lose this baby, this little girl, Summer doesn't know what's going to happen to them.

She closes her eyes and pushes open the door, sees Marissa sitting up on the hospital bed, sees Ryan gripping her hand. She swallows, her throat dry like sandpaper. "Is.. do you know?" Summer asks, sitting down in the chair opposite Ryan.

"They're getting a machine.. or something," Ryan says, trailing off as a team of doctors rush into the room. After a few moments, a general sigh of relief is breahted.

"Mrs. Atwood, your baby is alive," a doctor tells Marissa. "Her heart rate is slowing down and if it drops any further, we may have to perfrom a cesarean section." He informs them.

"Okay," Marissa murmurs, her eyes closing.

Ryan is pale and shaking, his legs jostling up and down. "Atwood," Summer says, "you can go if you want, get a coffee or something. I'll stay for a while."

Ryan looks gratefully at Summer, bends down to kiss Marissa's forehead, and leaves the room.

"I'm scared Summer.. I'm so scare and it hurts.. so bad," Marissa's voice shakes.

"I know sweetie," Summer says softly.

"I'm scared.. what if the baby gets sick? What if she dies, just like Blythe. What if her heart rate goes even lower?"

Summer sighs and Marissa makes a spot on the bed for Marissa. Summer take Marissa's hand. "I can't promise that that won't happen, I can't. But I just know this.. I've never been like, a religious person or whatever. But I have my beliefs and I do honestly believe that God wouldn't let you lose two baby girls. He wouldn't let it happen."

"You sure?" Marissa asks, reaching up with her free hand to wipe away a trail of tears.

"Yes. Positive," Summer says immediately.

"Okay."

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Ryan is trying to remember if Marissa was in this much pain with Blythe. He doesn't think so, and he keeps wondering if this is bad, if it means that the baby isn't well. The doctor keeps telling him Marissa's fine, the baby is fine, everything is so goddamn fine. Then why wasn't it like this with Blythe? Why didn't Marissa cry and scream and do all the things she was doing now.

Ryan was used to being able to kiss Mariss and make everything go away. This was something he couldn't do, especially now. He was fairly certain if he tried to kiss Marissa right now she'd kill him.

"Alright Marissa," the doctor says, smiling. The light is making his bald spot shine. "You're ten centimetres dialated, so you can push whenever you feel ready."

This part seemed to go so fast, even though Ryan knew it didn't. Marissa squeezed the hell out of his hand, he encouraged her, the doctors fetched cold wash cloths. It was forty minutes, maybe more. But all of a sudden, the doctors got this excited look on their face. "I can see your daughter's head, Marissa. Just two more pushes and you'll have your daughter." Marissa was shaking hard and it killed Ryan to see her like this. "I know it hurts Marissa, I know. But two more pushes and it'll all be over."

And just like that the doctor has this baby in his arms and the baby is crying and breathing. She's alive and she's beautiful. She looks like Blythe did when she was born, she really does. Ryan can feel a lump forming in his throat and his cheeks are wet. Marissa looks up at Ryan, the baby in her arms. "Ryan," she says. And this is enough.

"She's.. she's. Can I hold her?" Ryan asks, sitting next to Marissa, his hand on her shoulder. And a few minutes later, he has his daughter in his arms.

And everything is okay. It's not like this baby being born erases Blythe's death or makes it any easier. But Ryan's certain that it's going to help make things okay. It has to.

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"She's gorgeous," Tory says in awe of Adrienne (Ryan and Marissa settled on this name as apposed to Marlo.) "She's.. she's so pretty. I love her," Tory says, matter of factly.

"Yeah, she's something," Summer says tearfully.

"Mommy, you silly goose, it's happy! We're happy the baby's born."

It's true. They're happy, they really are. But it's a bittersweet kind of happiness. When Marissa holds her daughter in her arms, she gets this immense kind of joy that she can't explain. But when she looks at Adrienne, she can't help be reminded so much of Blythe. And this makes her feel like someone's cut a hole in her heart.

When Summer looks at Adrienne, she can't help but feel grateful for her three children, who are all alive and well. Seth just thinks its a miracle that this baby made it at all, that Ryan and Marissa have another daughter.

And Ryan? Ryan want to take this baby in his arms and protect her from the world. From sickness, from other kids, from all the bad things in the world. He wants this baby to grow up the way he never did.

He doesn't want Adrienne to be sixteen years old when she discovers that she's worth something, that she has people who love her. Because all the people that love her the most are in this room right now. And Blythe. He can't forget Blythe, who's probably already so proud of her little sister.


	22. Chapter 22

**So I really didn't deserve to get any reviews for that chapter at all, what with me not updating in soo long and then all of a sudden updating all three of my FF stories. But I really appreciate them so, so much. **

**Tines: Thank you!! I've grown seriously attached to their kids, Tiffany and Tory especially. Yeah, there was no way I could kill Ryan and Marissa's second child. I'm not that mean.**

**J7 chick 18: It was all my pleasure. I was so happy to read all the reviews, I was expecting they'd consist of: so you finally update, now authour's note or anything? Thank you so much!**

**Girlz-rule: Hehe me too. I'd never actually heard it and then I read in our local newspaper that a couple had just had a baby girl and they called her Marlo, so that's where I got it from.**

**Yarrie: Thanks so much! Yeah I can't imagine what I'd do with them if I had killed Adrienne. I would have probably got some preetty nasty reviews from you guys. Yeah, I sort of wish I would have stuck with the name Marlo. I have a tendancy to finish an FF chapter really late, and this one was no different. It was like 1:30 a.m. I was so tired and I typed in Adrienne without really thinking.**

**Francesfresh007: Hey! I really like your username by the way, it made my giggle. Thank you!! I'm glad you liked it, I wasn't sure if I made it too unrealistic, like if they maybe should have been more upset, or more happy. **

**Michelle1249: Thank you so much! These reviews make me soo happy. Yeah, me too. Which sounds strange but it was getting kind of depressing writing them so upset. Of course a baby isn't going to make everything better, but at least they'll have another child to focus on rather than Blythe.**

**Anadi: Aww thank you! I love writing children and with the Cohen kids, it seems that their characters have become a part of me so that when I'm writing Tiffany or Tory, it's like they're sitting beside me, having a conversation and I'm just writing it all down. **

**I just wanted to say thank you to all my faithful readers, who've read this FF since day one, and all the new readers that have jumped on ship! You guys have been so patient with me, not sending my angry reviews when I don't update for months and months. This is the first FF story I've ever fully completed and it if wasn't for all your wonderful reviews, I know it wouldn't have ever happened. Thanks so much!!**

"How doth thou enjoy your tea Mommy?" Adrienne asks, taking a dainty sip of her tea, her pinkie finger stuck up in the air.

Marissa smiles. "My tea doth be good, dear Adrienne."

Adrienne is in a Shakespeare phase. It's mostly because they took a trip to the Stratfod Shakespeare Festival four and a half months ago and Adrienne, rather than adore watching the musicals, fell in love with all the Shakespeare plays (Romeo and Juliet, Comedy of Errors and Hamlet.) When they returned back to Newport, doth, forsooth and thou, were common words in Adrienne's vocabulary.

A year ago, Adrienne went through a speaking in the third person phase. "Daddy," she would say, "Adrienne would like some Rice Krispies." Or to Noah, "Noah, Adrienne would like her Barbies back."

Adrienne reaches up to take an Oreo from the plate and bites of a dainty corner. "I do say Mommy, these Oreos are top botch."

"Knotch?"

"Humm?"

"The Oreos are top knotch?" Marissa says.

Adrienne laughs. "Sure Mommy, whatever you say. Anyway," Adrienne says importantly, itching her Belle costume that Summer had bought her for Halloween. "On to important matters.." Adrienne bites her lip, trying desperately to come up with an important matter. "Humm.. we _must_ have a girl's day out soon Mommy. With you, me, Aunt Summer, Tiffany and Tory. You know," Adrienne gestures her hands vaugely. "Buy pretty stuff. Like Aunt Summer's necklace from.. Miffy's?"

"Tiffany's," Marissa smiles into her tea cup.

"Riiight. Just like Tiffany! So can we Mommy? Maybe when Daddy can stay home with Noah? So we don't have to bring him.. I mean I love Noah lots and lots Mommy, he's almost my best friend, apart from Daddy and Jenny, but when he comes with us he always complains and wants everything!" Adrienne sighs and shakes her head, like an old woman.

"Alright." Marissa agrees. "Saturday maybe?"

"I gotta check my schedule. 'Scuse me for a second." Adrienne shuts her eyes and opens them a few seconds later. "Yes, Saturday doth worketh for me."

At six years old, Adrienne, like Blythe, is smart. She's already reading and writing. Adrienne loves to tell stories and act them out for Ryan and Marissa. She has her heart set on being an actress and often tells Marissa how she wants to win an Oscar. Her and Marissa have Oscar paties every year, dressing up in fancy clothes like they're at the awards. Marissa makes hors d'oeuvres, which mainly consist of mini pizzas, peanut butter coated apples and, because Adrienne wants to feel grown up, caviar, although she never touches it.

"Mommy?" Arienne asks.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Tell me again about Blythe."

Adrienne always wants to hear about Blythe, like she was some kind of ledgend or a magical girl from a made up fairy tale. From they day they brought Adrienne home from the hospital, Marissa would tell her about her big sister. She came up with all sorts of stories about Blythe, things that she'd said or done, her first word, her favorite TV show

"Which part?" Marissa asks.

"Hmm.. how 'bout her first birthday?" Adrienne suggests.

"Alright. So, Blythe was turning one-"

Adrienne giggles. "Duh Mommy. They don't call it her first birthday for nothing."

"Okay okay Miss Smarty Pants. So Aunt Summer and Uncle Seth were over-"

Adrienne laughs a big belly laugh. "I love that guy."

"Uncle Seth?"

"He's hilarious. 'Member that time when Tiffany went to the movies with that real ugly guy? And Uncle Seth followed them and then threw popcorn at them when they held hands?" Adrienne giggles again.

"Hey. You wanna hear the story or not?" Marissa says, ticking Adrienne's back.

"I do." Adrienne nods eagerly.

"Okay so Aunt Summer, Uncle Seth, Tiffany and Tory were visiting from New York. Tiffany and Tory were only two.So we were all playing hide and seek and everyone was found except for Blythe. We were all really scared, thinking maybe she had gone down to the ocean and got swept out, or maybe run down the street. So we went out and looked everywhere. We had Grandma and Grandpa looking, the neighbours. We even called the police!"

At this Adrienne gasps, as though she's never heard the story before. "So after looking for a long time, we came back to the house, just about ready to give up. And we found Blythe behind a chair in living room and we said, 'Blythe we called and called you, why didn't you come?' And do you know what she said?"

Adrienne shakes her head.

"She told us, that it was Hide and Seek and you're not supposed to come out until they find you."

Adrienne laughs, but then quickly grows solemn. "Is it my fault Mommy?"

"What?"

"That Blythe died? Because maybe God thinks there's a rule, that 'cause Blythe was so good that you shouldn't have been allowed another kid. Maybe he thought that she was too much good for one person and if I hadn't been borned, Blythe wouldn't have died."

Marissa sighs and she feels so upset. Adrienne's so little, too little to understand death, because despite how smart she is, this is one thing she can't wrap her head around. "Sweetheart, no."

"Are you sure Mommy?"

"Yes. I'm absoloutely positive. The cancer killed Blythe, not you, or anybody else. It was no one's fault okay? And yes, it's unfair that Blythe is gone and I know it's awful for you because you don't remember her, but I bet she's having a great time up there. God is lucky to have her."

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Tiffany and Tory are sitting on Summer's bed, Tiffany braiding Tory's hair. "I don't get it Tiff," Tory kept saying. "We're not going to a party or anything. We're going to Blythe's _grave_. I'm not supposed to look pretty.

"Yes," Tiffany says patiently. "But Blythe always loved getting dressed up with us. We'd do her hair and pretend like we were models, or dancers. And I know that Blythe would be happy if we looked nice when we go see her. 'Cause remember Mom said we're supposed to talk to her?"

Tory nods. "I know.. it just.. it seems too weird, you know? That she's dead. I know that when we were little, until we were like eight right? And we used to talk to her every day. Who knows if she can even hear us?"

Tiffany stops braiding for a moment. "Tor, life isn't about the what if's. It's about the remember whens, the wasn't that great. If Blythe can't hear us, then she can't. I think it's a good way to keep her memory. And if she can hear us, then I'm glad. She knows we still love her and that we haven't given up yet." She keeps braiding.

Tory smiles sadly. "Why do you always have to make me cry?"

"It's my job. I'm your sister."

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Seven year old Jackson places a rose on Blythe's grave. He feels slightly uncomfortable, because after all he's a seven year old boy. And he can't really remember Blythe, though he's heard so many stories about her that sometimes he thinks he can.

His Mom had explained to him earlier that morning that today was the day that Blythe had 'passed away.' Jackson can't understand why everyone says passed away, or lost. It's not like Blythe was in the grocery store and got seperated from her mom, or passed through Newport, to China maybe.

Jackson's always wanted to dig to China and one day, when him and his dad had a 'guy's day out' and went to the beach after, he tried, but he got three and a half feet down before he got sick of it.

His Mom and Dad are holding hands. Sometimes this makes Jackson want to throw up, but today it makes him feel happy. Like it sort of proves that even if Blythe is dead and bad things happen a lot, his parents can stay together. The way Tiffany and Tory used to play Barbies. They still do sometimes, only when their door is locked and whenever anyone asks, they say they're painting their nails.

Tiffany and Tory always had all these horrible tragedies fall upon their Barbies. A piano would drop on their and head and cause them to forget everything, their children would get run over by cars or stolen be aliens. Yet through everything, Ken and Barbie (or Skipper and Ken, if Skipper's feeling jealous) still love each other and go to bed together every night, at nine twenty four on the dot. (Tiffany and Tory had ridiculous ideas about when grown ups went to bed.)

His Aunt Marissa looks sad, but sort of happy in a way. She's holding Noah, who Jackson is pretty sure is nearly three, his eyes closed, his legs around her waist. Adrienne is standing beside Aunt Marissa, her arm wrapped around her leg and his Uncle Ryan has his arm around her shoulders.

Jackson sighs and watches Tory put a picture on the grave. It's a picture of herself, Tiffany and Blythe, wearing thick high heel shoes, bathing suits and insanely large hats. They're holding hands, laughing. In the bottom right corner, you can see the beginning of his dad, like maybe he accidentally walked through the picture and then got out of the way just in time.

Jackson's sisters get on his nerves a lot, especially because he's the only boy and really, Noah's too young to play wrestling or hunting. But Jackson does love them. And he can't stand it when they're sad. So he moves towards Tory, slowly but surely and holds her hand. And she doesn't shrug him off or tell him to get lost. She smiles and holds his hand too.

Because although Jackson, unlike Superman or Batman, doesn't have powers, like bringing back Blythe or making it Christmas every day, he can make his sisters feel better. And, he decides, maybe this is almost up to par with being able to lift buildings and go out with any girl he wants.

Like Ainsley, from first grade. Jackson always gives her his cupcake at lunch. He's pretty sure that she loves him. Apart from she's going out with Mikey and he always gives her two cupcakes. But apart from that, they'll definitely grow up and get married together.

Just like his Mom and Dad and Aunt Marissa and Uncle Ryan.

Once upon a time, Happily ever after and all that stuff.

**OCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOCOC**

Marissa and Ryan, over a few beers and a plate of grilled cheese, have come to a conclusion. That they will always miss Blythe. It's just a fact, the way tomorrow is Friday or that Adrienne will always be older than Noah. It's something that slowly, over the course of many years, they've come to terms with.

That doesn't mean that they forget about Blythe. It just means that slowly, the pain of missing her becames more bearable. No. Marissa still sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night crying and her and Ryan still sometimes get into fights.

But they have two other children, two beautiful children, who share things that Blythe had. The way Noah is sweet and tender, the way Adrienne is wise beyond her years.

Truth be told, Marissa and Ryan have inherited things that Blythe did, the way she always used to live life so fully. And though they wish like crazy, every day, that she hadn't been taken from them, they think that if it was going to happen, at least they had four wonderful years with her.

And though it's never enough, because really, no time is every enough, it's better than nothing.

_Here's the day you hoped would never come  
Don't feed me violence, just run -  
With me through rows of speeding cars  
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers  
The coffee's never strong enough  
I know you think it's more than just bad luck_

There, there, baby  
It's just text book stuff  
It's in the ABC of growing up  
Now, now, darlin'  
Oh don't lose your head  
'Cause none of us were angels  
And you know I love you, yeh

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never  
Far enough away  
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt  
I've watched you slowly winding down for years  
You can't keep on like this  
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby  
It's just text book stuff  
It's in the ABC of growing up  
Now, now, darlin'  
Oh don't kill yourself  
'Cause none of us were angels  
And you know I love you, yeh

It's okay by me  
It's okay by me  
It's okay by me  
It was a long time ago

It's okay by me  
It's okay by me  
It's okay by me  
It was a - long - time - ago

There, there, baby  
It's just text book stuff  
It's in the ABC of growing up  
Now, now, darlin'  
Oh don't lose your head  
'Cause none of us were angels  
And you know I love you, yeh

There, there, baby  
It's just text book stuff  
It's in the ABC of growing up  
Now, now, darlin'  
Oh, don't kill yourself  
'Cause none of us were angels  
And you know I love you, yeh


End file.
